Yesterday by jer

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Submission Name: Yesterday dots

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Author:	jer
ASL Info:	29/M/Detroit
Elite Ratio:	5.08 - 283/238/34
Words:	117

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	297
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	974

Description:
This was written about a year after my divorce, around our anniversary. I just found it again. It's not a great example of poetry, but it is a great example of my mindset back then.

Yesterday dots

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Used to be handsome
Used to be quicker to flash a smile
Used to be thinner
Used to be in better shape

Used to make you laugh
     now I mostly make you cry
Used to be someone you loved to have around
     today, I'm someone you loved
Used to make love all the time
     now, on rare occasions, we fuck

As I stare at photographs
memories of our wedding day
and realize that all hope is gone
     you're lost to me
     forever
I wish that a disease
     an accident
     or some twist of fate
would end it for me
end this pain, time for us both to move on

Used to want to live.

Submitted on 2005-02-20 17:50:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  this is so sad, i can't even critique it. it just reeks of giving up and giving in to hopelessness.

Used to be someone you loved to have around
     today, I'm someone you loved

those lines alone almost made me teary. i have been here, and it is a painful place to be. i only hope your mindset has changed and that you've been able to move on from this.
| Posted on 2005-02-20 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  shouldnt used to be, be use to be? used is when like a used car, or used the rest of the toothpaste. or am i just an idiot??
i dunno. just kinda distracted me, because i think its suppose to be use
| Posted on 2005-02-20 00:00:00 | by SilentWhisper | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a really sad poem. I mean all the things before seemed so natural and really well for you. Now your lonely and depressed. it sounds horrible. Not a situation someone would want to be in. Is it? Obviously not cause of this writing.
I am sorry this happened to you. Tough times. Especially happening close to your anniversary.

Used to be handsome
Used to be quicker to flash a smile
Used to be thinner
Used to be in better shape

Used to make you laugh
now I mostly make you cry
Used to be someone you loved to have around
today, I'm someone you loved
Used to make love all the time
now, on rare occasions, we [censored]

As I stare at photographs
memories of our wedding day
and realize that all hope is gone
you're lost to me
forever
I wish that a disease
an accident
or some twist of fate
would end it for me
end this pain, time for us both to move on

Used to want to live.

Sorry about this. It sounds like a horrible situation to be under.

Hope you find someone else. Leave all those memories in your past, Find someone for your future. Someone that will make the old memories seem worthless.
Good luck

stephanie
| Posted on 2005-02-20 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
  wow jer, you are really getting into some deep [censored] lately. I think from reading your poetry that I know you enough to realize this is dramatization, and not like you're really suicidal...I hope anyway, but this is really intense and well done...

Used to make love all the time
now, on rare occasions, we [censored]

man. this is so real. so common when things start to fade. it realy sums up the whole poem. brilliant, really...

hopelessness is a mothernarfer. good topic and well executed.
| Posted on 2005-02-20 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
  What I like about this poem is that all that matters is the emotional content, not how it's written, or how ir rhymes, or how it flows or whatever. There are some truly powerful lines, my favorites would be:
'Used to be someone you loved to have around
today, I'm someone you loved
Used to make love all the time
now, on rare occasions, we [censored]'
That's raw, and it works.
| Posted on 2005-02-21 00:00:00 | by the apocrypha | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow. So much emotion.

"This was written about a year after my divorce, around our anniversary. I just found it again. It's not a great example of poetry, but it is a great example of my mindset back then."

What? Not a great example of poetry? It's wonderful. What is a great example of poetry anyway? I mean, this piece shows a lot of inner emotion which is, in my opinion, a great accomplishment.
| Posted on 2005-02-25 00:00:00 | by QueenCrimson | [ Reply to This ]

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