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Alone


Author: vampirefreak69
Elite Ratio:    2.14 - 30 /103 /87
Words: 240
Class/Type: Poetry /Cutting or Mutilation
Total Views: 1594
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1488



Description:




Alone



You walk an empty street
The sound of you shoes hitting the pavement
Echoes all around you
You used to walk with friends
But you chose this road while they chose another

Your face tightens
as the sharp blade of your knife hits your arm
You refused help when people offered
And you chose to walk alone

People look down on you
Because of the way you are
They say it’s just a quite scream
But to you it just relieves pain

Your friends all left because you inflicted pain
You had blood stains on your carpet
They say they wouldn’t be surprised
If you killed yourself tonight

The air around you is cold
And your fingers are frozen from the chill
But you still wrap them
Around the handle of that knife

You cut your arm once again
You say this is the last
But then you parents piss you off
And you cut again

Refuse once more the help offered
As you swipe the blade
Acting as though it doesn’t hurt
But you keep cutting relentlessly

Tell me why should you walk alone
When so many people want to help
They offer yet you refuse
Slashing at your arm

You finally run for help
But it seems to be to late
Everyone has turned their backs
And their hands are no longer there




Submitted on 2005-02-20 18:08:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Wow. This was great. I could definatlely relate to this one. I know what you are talking about when you say:

"They say it's just a silent scream,
But to you it just releives the pain."

But it kind of got me thinking a little bit, that it may releive the pain, but at the same time, it is a silent scream, and the weakness is not letting anyone help though it is offered. And i liked the lines about promising that it would be the last cut, but then all the reasons come back, and the promise is broken, which ultimately makes the person even weaker...And the part where you finally decide you want help, only to find that everyone has given up trying, that was great...I could definately feel the emotion in this poem. It was so sad, and so real. You did an excellent job writing this. Great work!
| Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by Podenco del infierno | [ Reply to This ]
  i loved this write i would really like to know the story behind this poem or if there is one i liked the poem and i guess thats what matters dont ever stop writing do what makes you happy
| Posted on 2005-02-20 00:00:00 | by Demon__666 | [ Reply to This ]
  wow soooo much emotion in this poem, very talented and very good work with it, so much imagery i could actually picture someon lonely walking down a street at nite...wow ur good lol much love

<3*DancingGirl*
| Posted on 2005-02-20 00:00:00 | by DancingGirl | [ Reply to This ]
  Yeah I know the feeling, no one to help ease the pain of life. The only thing is that in real life you would be thrown in a looney bin within a few weeks (if someone finds out).
I love it, hard to get poems like this to run smoothe.
| Posted on 2005-02-20 00:00:00 | by EmptyPromise_5 | [ Reply to This ]
  hey vamp

try to remove some of all the "you"'s and make it more solid. I can see you have a lot on your mind So think about your rhythm and flow ;0)

ex.

walking in an empty street
Hearing echoes, all around
The sound of your shoes
hitting the pavement
Still hits my soul
Why did you chose ?

Sorry, but it is just a fast made ex. So if you are not able to use it, it is understandable ;0)

Keep working

KNS
| Posted on 2005-02-25 00:00:00 | by KNS | [ Reply to This ]


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