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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Alonedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: vampirefreak69
    Elite Ratio:    2.14 - 30/103/87
    Words: 240
    Class/Type: Poetry/Cutting or Mutilation
    Total Views: 1454
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1482



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAlonedots
    -------------------------------------------


    You walk an empty street
    The sound of you shoes hitting the pavement
    Echoes all around you
    You used to walk with friends
    But you chose this road while they chose another

    Your face tightens
    as the sharp blade of your knife hits your arm
    You refused help when people offered
    And you chose to walk alone

    People look down on you
    Because of the way you are
    They say it’s just a quite scream
    But to you it just relieves pain

    Your friends all left because you inflicted pain
    You had blood stains on your carpet
    They say they wouldn’t be surprised
    If you killed yourself tonight

    The air around you is cold
    And your fingers are frozen from the chill
    But you still wrap them
    Around the handle of that knife

    You cut your arm once again
    You say this is the last
    But then you parents piss you off
    And you cut again

    Refuse once more the help offered
    As you swipe the blade
    Acting as though it doesn’t hurt
    But you keep cutting relentlessly

    Tell me why should you walk alone
    When so many people want to help
    They offer yet you refuse
    Slashing at your arm

    You finally run for help
    But it seems to be to late
    Everyone has turned their backs
    And their hands are no longer there




    Submitted on 2005-02-20 18:08:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. This was great. I could definatlely relate to this one. I know what you are talking about when you say:

    "They say it's just a silent scream,
    But to you it just releives the pain."

    But it kind of got me thinking a little bit, that it may releive the pain, but at the same time, it is a silent scream, and the weakness is not letting anyone help though it is offered. And i liked the lines about promising that it would be the last cut, but then all the reasons come back, and the promise is broken, which ultimately makes the person even weaker...And the part where you finally decide you want help, only to find that everyone has given up trying, that was great...I could definately feel the emotion in this poem. It was so sad, and so real. You did an excellent job writing this. Great work!
    | Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by Podenco del infierno | [ Reply to This ]
      i loved this write i would really like to know the story behind this poem or if there is one i liked the poem and i guess thats what matters dont ever stop writing do what makes you happy
    | Posted on 2005-02-20 00:00:00 | by Demon__666 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow soooo much emotion in this poem, very talented and very good work with it, so much imagery i could actually picture someon lonely walking down a street at nite...wow ur good lol much love

    <3*DancingGirl*
    | Posted on 2005-02-20 00:00:00 | by DancingGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah I know the feeling, no one to help ease the pain of life. The only thing is that in real life you would be thrown in a looney bin within a few weeks (if someone finds out).
    I love it, hard to get poems like this to run smoothe.
    | Posted on 2005-02-20 00:00:00 | by EmptyPromise_5 | [ Reply to This ]
      hey vamp

    try to remove some of all the "you"'s and make it more solid. I can see you have a lot on your mind So think about your rhythm and flow ;0)

    ex.

    walking in an empty street
    Hearing echoes, all around
    The sound of your shoes
    hitting the pavement
    Still hits my soul
    Why did you chose ?

    Sorry, but it is just a fast made ex. So if you are not able to use it, it is understandable ;0)

    Keep working

    KNS
    | Posted on 2005-02-25 00:00:00 | by KNS | [ Reply to This ]


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    47594

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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