Lust by jer

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Submission Name: Lust dots

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Author:	jer
ASL Info:	29/M/Detroit
Elite Ratio:	5.08 - 283/238/34
Words:	90

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	365
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	812

Description:
Another older one. This one's around a year old. I don't know, overall, I'm not a fan of this one, just just liked the line "finding depth in your soul and body"... but that's just me, I'm a different breed of cat :)

Lust

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expectation
sweating, vulgar lust
pining for an outlet
you come
hastily uncovering monuments of pleasure
soft skin, delicate fur, glistening moisture
you come
musky, perfumed scent, heavenly taste
gutteral moans, arching back
you come
eyes rolling, breasts heaving, nipples hardening
legs quivering, thighs gripping, feverishly hot
you cum

brief ecstasy as I test your glove-like fit
withdrawing and returning, finding depth in your soul and body
I come
biting flesh, licking and tongue tracing
thrusting, stroking, pinching, pulling
I cum
     and serene sleep finds me
     while impurity finds you

Submitted on 2005-02-20 18:27:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  ooohhhhhh...this was absolutely beautiful
this line is so [censored] goood...
" brief ecstasy as I test your glove-like fit
withdrawing and returning, finding depth in your soul and body
I come"
It has crazy depth and its sensual and it so expressive...
| Posted on 2005-03-29 00:00:00 | by rytrsbloc | [ Reply to This ]
  I love it, excpet for the last part, after all that coming, why would impurity find her.... if I were her, I too would find the sandman, so I can be ready for round two or is it 5? keep me posted if that happens
| Posted on 2005-03-28 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey there. Whoo...this is piece is well written. It's just risque enough to be really really good. But not so blatantly dirty that it's distastful. Nice work here. I wouldn't change a word of it.

I love the last part, "serene sleep finds me while impurity finds you". That's heavy stuff right there. I know that feeling. It's a feeling of being used. I dated a guy for a bit who used me. The few times that we did anything, I ended up feeling like dirt, while he ended up feeling satisfied because he got what he wanted.

Anyhoo...much love to ya.
| Posted on 2005-02-20 00:00:00 | by Juliets_dagger | [ Reply to This ]
  wow...cold shower please. I love erotic poetry and I agree with Juliets dagger that this was risque, yet not distasteful. Such imagery, such descriptions. I love how "come" changes to "cum", very clever. Another great one, " brief ecstacy as I test your glove-like fit." This is a scorcher- well done. -Magnolia
| Posted on 2005-02-20 00:00:00 | by Magnolia | [ Reply to This ]
  wooo...wipes sweat of brow...lol...pretty hot and lets say...hmmmn...so straight foward...defently the perfect title...this is defently lust...pure raw...hardcore roll around lusty sex...lol...its one of those things...you lonely their lonely...you do your thing and go to sleep...and it seems near the end your saying she feels guilt...cause maybe girls sesitive?...i dont know...lol...but you just fall asleep...lol...well either way thedetail of the situation is great...purp
| Posted on 2005-02-20 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
  hmm. Not sure how to address this one, but to say I found it to have layers of depth beyond the simple act you portray (very effectively I might add). I hate the look of the word "cum" it just makes me think of bad porn. I can see why you used it, to distinguish the difference, but I think leaving the "comes" open to interpretation might be even better, and then you lose the porn image (in my mind anyway).

Aside from that, I think this has enough behind the act to steer clear of porn and almost skip by erotica. The close is wonderful and so telling of your view of this relationship.

1390 Goddard Poets Society rules! Excellent stuff jer!
| Posted on 2005-02-24 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
  I pretty much agree with deadndreaming and really should not read your stuff cuz it makes me, well, you know. and I wonder why you end up having bad feelings about a woman after you, well, you know. but I guess that's your problem. you certainly know how to write erotic poetry, that's for sure.
| Posted on 2005-03-07 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow. *Wipes sweat off face.*

That was..hot, to say the least.

I must agree with deadndreaming; I hate the use of the word "cum." It's distracting to me. Come sounds more appropriate anyway.

Overall though, I enjoyed reading this poem. *Fans self*
| Posted on 2005-02-25 00:00:00 | by QueenCrimson | [ Reply to This ]

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