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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Oblivion's Callingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Nyx Xievenront
    ASL Info:    14/F/Philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.25 - 35/37/7
    Words: 48
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 858
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 364



    Description:
       I actually had these three stanzas separated. I only compiled them because they fit. Well, I was trying to get rid of heartbreak/slump (you'd realize the piece had nothing to do with any of those) but I just wrote on and thought it good. *shrugs*


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOblivion's Callingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Today, any other day.
    Tomorrow, my dread.
    Yesterday, my bane.

    Trapped in endless insanity
    Distorted images by default
    I close my eyes, so afraid
    Screaming for a salvation so far away

    Oblivion's calling me
    In these darkest hours
    Oblivion calls, I fall
    I am forever forgotten




    Submitted on 2005-02-21 09:04:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      omg! I like it alot and it's so ... depressing. I feel so much the same way that I almost felt like crying after reading it. My only critique would be to switch "my bane" probably to today or tomorrow. it makes more sence that way. otherwise it's awsome. (you're right 14 ROCKS!) ;)
    | Posted on 2005-03-13 00:00:00 | by dead,yetalive | [ Reply to This ]
      This seems like a sad poem to me, but what's scary is I can almost relate to how you feel with this poem, especially the line "Trapped in endless insanity".
    | Posted on 2005-02-21 00:00:00 | by psycho_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is good in a sad sort of way. I think this is a pretty universal poem. I really like it, this poem shows alot of potential. Keep up the good work.

    -Selene
    | Posted on 2005-02-21 00:00:00 | by Selene | [ Reply to This ]
      short but I thought it was quite effective
    perhaps a bit too short
    and better diction needed...
    but hey,,,who am I to judge?:) you are only 14...good write there
    | Posted on 2005-02-21 00:00:00 | by neonlights | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey ;0)

    You need to work on it ;0), ypu need to find
    some kind of rythm ;0)

    ex.

    Today, any other day
    Tomorrow, dread
    Yesterday, (something)
    (something) bane

    take care, ;0)
    | Posted on 2005-02-22 00:00:00 | by KNS | [ Reply to This ]
      well first off...i wouldn't listen to kns...because he has no clue...but thats just a personal opinion...warning...lol...i don't know...first off...not all poetry has an open rhythm...meaning...sometimes your not able to spot it right away...second...there are tons of diffrent forms structures..thats always going to make the rhythm...diffrent...and also of course which words you choose and line length...but some people are stuck into thinking you can only have it one way which isn't true...but anywho...i think you have something of worth here you just need to expand on your initial thoughts to make the write more clear to thereaders...yes abstract writing is fun...but we want the readers to be able to relate to and extent to where they are like wow...or i've felt that...i know how that is...it will make them enjoy it even more...so i'd recommend taking eack line or stanza...and deciding what you were thinking feeling saying and try to relate it more to the reader...not the actual subject but the understanding of it...use great metaphors like you have...but add a line that explains a little not out right saying it but something...i can give you examples...if ya want just pm...me i have no problem helping...you have alot going with this write just like so mant others on here and i really think we can all learn great things from each other...purps
    | Posted on 2005-02-25 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]


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