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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Who To Trustdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PookiezBookie
    ASL Info:    16/f/az
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 103/129/49
    Words: 168
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1057
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 912



    Description:
       written weirdly but just stuff that i had to get off my chest or probably would have done some damage.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWho To Trustdots
    -------------------------------------------


    With the time that flies by am I really on your mind?
    Do you think differently when you say that you're all mine?
    You said that you tried to stay faithfull but you lied
    do I think it'll be different by just pushing it aside?
    Why am I still sitting here with tears running down my face?
    I have to admit you played me good because you left no trace
    Of your foolish games with you worthless name
    I now hold my head high because I have no shame
    You taught me a lesson about who to trust
    Realizing that there is no true love, just lust
    I still wish that I had you here next to me
    knowing what i know, but not wanting it to show
    Because baby boy I got to tell you that you had me pretty good
    But now I know better and I really wish you would
    Try to pull that stunt again and try to play be like a fool.




    Submitted on 2005-02-21 14:42:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i think that theres a typo in the last line...which isnt really a good start if you get what im saying. You break in and out of rhyme, face trace, name shame, trust lust...i dont know those really arent a very original way of looking at things. And this doesnt fit rhyme because its more conversational than anything else. The fact was that it was dissapointing you didnt include anything which would make it really unique, id like to see you write something thats really unique to you from you POV, you know? that way you will get more recognition from other poets on the site
    how this advice isnt too scathing and you find it helfpul rather than hurtful
    ellisa
    | Posted on 2005-02-21 00:00:00 | by ellisa | [ Reply to This ]
      its original...the rhythm is unique, the way it flows...i thought it could use some more punctuation and capitalization...
    | Posted on 2005-02-21 00:00:00 | by AngryAtTheWorld | [ Reply to This ]
      unique rhythm is the words best used to descirbe it. as for the capitals and puncutation? minor details to me. i think the poem rings true adn it is just for presentations sake that you might want to punctuate and use captials for highlighing words and sentences. Typos are an annoying fact of life just try and get them out in a new rewrite they are a distraction to less focused readers and less educated audiences who just look for the flaws. this poem is good its faults are small and all it needs is a tweek here and there till it is perfect.
    | Posted on 2005-02-21 00:00:00 | by death22881 | [ Reply to This ]
      Im sure you know how I feel about this one. I really feel sad when I read it. It takes me back to my nightmare. when I lost my true love. and i felt the same way. have you read my poem LOVE? I feel like love is just something no one will ever be able to control. love is everything. and love is also nothing at all. like my poem, what is the meaning of love?
    well just remember that he's the one who lost. he lost someone who had real love for him and someone who is trustfull and hella smart. a one of a kind type of uniqe girl who will go far in life and find happiness in this world. he lost all that, he's dumb if you ask me, if he was smart he'd treat ou good and keep you happy and show you love, but than again if he was everything you wish you wanted him to be would you hsve got bored with him and broke his heart? weman are weird that way ,if you treat them good they leave you, if you treat them bad they want you and make your life hard by hateing you for not treating them good. so what am I soposed to do, Be an [censored] to my next girlfriend and fight with her. I'll probably be alone forever because i'm not fake and if i love someone ill do anthing to show i care. i would rather be happy than misserable. I guess im screwwwed there.If i dont long with a girl i wont go out with her , she has to be a good person then catch my sight. Im not to great looking but i have to be with someone who i think is pretty in my view. I dont know, all my life every girl i had a crush on did'nt like me, but the girls who would have a crush on me and ask me out we're damn fine. and i would wonder why could i not get this one when one ten times better wants me. I dont lie and im not a fake ass punk like most of those lame flamers. im not a player, im lover
    . if that sounds dum to anyone then i dont care to admit my feelings caue im real.but he is dumbfor leaving you.my x did the same to me but sorry so long and boreing good write a real deepness from pain and heart. love t keep going girl. write more
    | Posted on 2005-02-22 00:00:00 | by jermwerm | [ Reply to This ]


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