Description: Hard point in my life, abotu a year ago. I was seeing this guy, and it wasnt at the place i wanted it, so i wrote this and gave it to him, it didn't help! haha, life is crazy.
Hate The Lusting -------------------------------------------
I hate getting excited thinking you're here
I hate the way my words come out wrong
I hate the way my smile fades into a tear
I hate the way this poem sounds like a song
I hate the looks you give me
I hate thinking of life without you
I hate the way you must see me
I hate the way i see you too
I hate the way you appear in my dreams
I hate the words that make me smile
I hate the way life always "seems"
I hate how I would walk 100's of miles
And most of all, I hate being attached to you
And i hate the way you control
I wish that you cared too
Because Lust is all you stole!
I loved your poem, it is simple, but nice. Repeating some words usually doesn't turn out good but in your poem it works just fine. It makes it sound stronger and more realistic. I love when you say " I hate the way life always "seems".- good point. And I'm sorry that guy didn't understand it.
there's way too often 'I hate' in there. it gets boring after a few lines. be more creative, use metahors and similies. cause at the moment you use a very plain language that doesn't draw the reader in. it may be that a lot of people can relate to this topic, but that's because you are too general. as it is it could be written by anybody. what makes it your own?? what makes it unique??give me some details, give me something new.
here's a suggestion to get rid of some of your 'I hate's:
I hate getting excited thinking you're here and the way my words come out wrong I hate the way my smile fades into a tear this poem sounds like a song I hate the looks you give me and thinking of life without you I hate the way you must see me how i see you too why do you appear in my dreams? I hate these words that make me smile and the way life always "seems" I hate how I would walk 100's of miles And most of all that I'm attached to you the way you control I wish that you cared too Because Lust is all you stole!
Submission Name: Hate The Lusting
