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Author: concrete_rose
ASL Info:    31/f/nc
Elite Ratio:    2.59 - 43 /52 /34
Words: 326
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1068
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 2020


What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


These teethmarks on my soul resemble
that of a beast rising from captivity
alienating my mind into depression late at night
when peace settles upon the water.

Torn outright between good and evil
what is right and wrong within this life
suddenly ones own sanity is hung upon a spindle-
to ever be released from the pain?

To feel the endless unerving regret
the wanting to take everything back, within a moment
traded for a life of faith
Apologies, define the realm of acceptance
faded analogies every waking hour.

It brings me to the point of no peace and sanity
I was wrong in so many ways and does he think of that today
Gratefull my wearied heart is, holding so much
on my plate.

Ample realizations that it was I who caused the continents to shift and break
Please my only true love accept me for I have fallen
Raise me up to be a better woman.

For sometimes the pain we live with everyday is so great
I want to pour my heart out into the streets
letting the travelers walk above
trampling on the hurt I feel inside.

But his is a soul about the rest
Escalating about the wandering heads
Stronger than I, a guide in life
I must get away from this tainted place-
back into his state of grace
to feel his body and his lips
take me away to another place.

Please have a clear heart for my damage
say that i will have you until my life is finished
until my body lies there beneath
the crushed daises singing sweet.

And while I am there and you are here
Send me images of your precious face
While I lay in eternal sleep
Whisper that you'll love me always and thereafter
Please say you forgive me and ease my tattered fate-
Because in you arms faithfully, I shall forever lay.

Submitted on 2005-02-22 00:01:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Let me first off say that I feel the emotions that you have tried to convey in this piece. It is a bold effort in regards to it's length. But now let it be said that there is just too much I, me, I, me,my, me. Sorry but look at this piece and imagine what interest it holds for anyone except you and the person your speaking too. Speak to me of the passion and desires in your soul that I see in my own. Take me with you on this visitation of lost love. Make me a part of your poem. I'm ranting, sorry. Perhaps I'm being too critical of you alone, there just seems to be a lot of this poetry on this site and periotically I blow up. I think if you try and work on it you can make this a better piece. dmm
| Posted on 2005-02-22 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]
  in the first stanza, i think you should have put -at night on the same line as the rest of that part. it seems choppy

also, im not trying to be mean, but the poem needs a for if your going to have it in stanzas/verses.

other then that it was good, and i understand the emotion coming from it~!~!~!
good job and thanks for your comment on innocent child. i rarely get good comments!
| Posted on 2005-02-22 00:00:00 | by DanceADream | [ Reply to This ]

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