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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Nightmare Fragmentsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Nyx Xievenront
    ASL Info:    14/F/Philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.25 - 35/37/7
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1194
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 581



    Description:
       On the contrary. I welcome my lunacy. But it was fun to write it at a different point of view.

    Chaos refers to both void and disorder. ( And it really does anyway as I looked it up... if my memory serves me right that is :/ )


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNightmare Fragmentsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A broken piece from unreality
    Darkest matter of delusional thoughts
    The shadows whisper seductively, I submit
    And blood taints the white perfection of the walls

    Shattered pieces of my delirious dreams,
    Invocation of suicidal insanity
    Provocation of infinite animosity
    Behold this, my deepest melancholy

    Falling, deep into the abyss
    A filthy cesspool where all infernal exist
    Deluged in macabre fantasies
    Welcome to the endless chaos called a mind.

    And it is my own.




    Submitted on 2005-02-22 08:52:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. That was really good. Youre very talented. I especially liked the part:

    "Shattered pieces of my delirious dreams,
    Invocation of suicidal insanity
    Provocation of infinite animosity
    Behold this, my deepest melancholy"

    I love the way it was written. You worded everything perfectly.

    * nikkki *
    | Posted on 2005-03-19 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      Are you sure you're only fourteen?

    You write brilliantly.

    I like how you take words and form them into images.

    Great poem.

    (Oh, and thanks for commenting on my poem, "Eternal Sadness." I must agree with you; the formatting is a little off.)
    | Posted on 2005-02-22 00:00:00 | by QueenCrimson | [ Reply to This ]
      nice work ;)

    keep on working and try to remove some of your words and more light ;)

    A broken piece, from unreality
    Darkest matter, delusional thoughts
    shadows whisper seductively, submited
    blood taints, white perfection on the walls

    KNS
    | Posted on 2005-02-22 00:00:00 | by KNS | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this poem!

    This is a great peice of work!

    I really hope to see more of it!

    Keep up the good work
    | Posted on 2005-02-22 00:00:00 | by No_purpose | [ Reply to This ]
      Nicely written. The imagery that you use in this poem is superb.

    Shattered pieces of my delirious dreams,
    Invocation of suicidal insanity
    Provocation of infinite animosity
    Behold this, my deepest melancholy
    This part I think is my favorite because it shows how your not afraid to show the darker parts of yourself.


    Keep up the good work!
    | Posted on 2005-02-23 00:00:00 | by BrokenAngel | [ Reply to This ]
      You write wonderfully! This poem is great, and I like your use of words. This is definitly a favorite, yup yup!

    Oh yes...and I enjoy my lunacy too
    | Posted on 2005-02-23 00:00:00 | by MorbidAngel114 | [ Reply to This ]
      Ohh i love this ...seriously ...Just the way you described your mind in perfect detail ...Its wonderful to see poetry that isnt forced in anyway too ...I love the blood tainting the white of the walls...Your pain having an effect on the perfection of things...Others have already said it ...but to right so well at your age is truly a gift and i look forward to reading more from you :)
    | Posted on 2005-02-28 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm reading this and the first three lines of the first stanza...awesome fantastic...loving it...then i get to the fourth line and i'm like what...what happend to those wonderful words she had...that line...uuuhhh...hmmmn...theres gotta be another way to describe that...i don't mind the white perfection of the walls part...though its been used before but...but...the blood taints...i know your only 14...but i've seen some of the words you've used...and i know you can think of something better to capture that emotion and image...i really like the second stanza though...i wouldn't change anything in that one...its exellent...then the first two lines of the third stanza agian...well over used metaphors...the abyss...still could be used just fraised diffrently maybe...but the second line...i've read a diffrent phrased version of that line several times...and don't get me wrong its ok...to re use metaphors i have...you just need to be able to do it ...creativly...and i'm not saying that as an insult...i've just read what you have posted on elites and i can tell your mine is creative enough to come up with something better...then the third line...i'm really liking it...i'd defently leave it...but then the last line of that stanza and the line alone i think u should combine...because they are pretty much saying the same thing...i'd do something like...

    welcome to my endless chaos
    my mind...

    or maybe...

    welcome
    to my endless chaos
    my mind...

    ok really crappy examples...though i'm not in a writing mindset lately...and plus its not my poem so...lol...but you get the idea...but agian...these are merely just opinions suggestions...so take them or not...purps
    | Posted on 2005-03-01 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow...that's... DEEP! I am soooo loving it. not only it is awsome writing, but I can realate so much. I'm still under depression but I just got out of my delusionary state of mind. I didn't know what I liked or what I hated and now I'm trapped in a neverending... ummmm... "hell on earth" sort of thing with "Satan's own children". So your poem really connects with me.
    we show those older people that 14-yr-olds can write as good or even better than them. ;)
    | Posted on 2005-03-03 00:00:00 | by dead,yetalive | [ Reply to This ]
      for someone at the age of 14 to actually try and grasp the frail and formless beauty of the human mind... now that's something. somewhat precocious.

    i admire the way you gave form to this vivid delirium... kinda like finding the beauty lost pieces of broken glass. and there is beauty in everything... whether obvious, hidden, accepted or denied... there is. it all depends on the beholder.

    it is always good to taint the white perfection... because white is the absence of colors... to me white is too universal... to vast and needs to be narrowed... ergo, i commend you for the blood stains.

    chaos is good. without chaos we won't be able to appreciate peace. and everything falls into futility.

    good job.
    | Posted on 2005-02-25 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]


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    47793

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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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