……..as I woke up -------------------------------------------
He had left us alone
Taking his blessings away he was gone
Leaving his children with everlasting tear
The humanity was orphan as I woke up
Letting the dark king, tyrannize his paradise
Allowing the sinister sun to rise
Permitting our heaven to be changed in to hell
The world was cursed as I woke up
He didn't even turn around
Ignoring our painful sound
He went back to his guiltless angels
We were soulless as I woke up
Hello Sanam, I had no doubt when I read this piece that you were speaking of God leaving humanity after creating us. I also have had to question the position we find ourselves in on this earth and why a loving and merciful God would allow it to be so. I guess that is something we each have to find an answer to on our own. I think we are better off taking the high road and making the best out of what we have. Dan
I liked this poem. It was short and I think it could have a little more into it, but if you left it like this it would be just fine. Try to add a little more if you could and if you do tell me so I can read it.
Well, this is another interesting poem indeed! I haven't read many serious poems on this site or in general and I am not even used to write serious poem! May be I did it once in "Why" but not more! But all those serious poems that I have read have captured my attention in a way or another and that is because I always like reading important topics and serious ones about life and that what makes this kind of poems very successfull because they discus our present, past and future!
I just was surprised when I found no description written before the poem! I think that the description is a very important tool in the hands of the writer where he / she can use it in presenting a useful introduction for the reader and I missed that in this poem and I think it needed a description to focus the attention of the reader on what you really meant by the poem!
I can't deny that the poem was very well written and the idea was smartly presented too BUT I'm not sure if I really got what you meant in this poem! But if what I think is true then I totally object and disagree!
I'll tell you what I saw in this poem and please correct me if I'm wrong! I think when you said
"He had left us alone Taking his blessings away he was gone Leaving his children with everlasting tear"
You meant God and the line that says "He went back to his guiltless angels" proves my view!
And the lines saying
"Letting the dark king, tyrannize his paradise Allowing the sinister sun to rise Permitting our heaven to be changed in to hell The world was cursed as I woke up"
Meant that God left us and abandoned us to suffer from those tyrants all over the world who turnd his heaven in to hell!
And if that is what you really menat then I totally disagree because God didn't leave us to suffer from those tyrants and didn't abandoned us at all! Because we can't just expect that life will be heaven! Because if it is heaven then those who do the good things in life will go where! I mean the world is like this so that the good appears and the bad appears and then after it is all over they will go either to heaven or hell! So he didn't leave us, he just gave us time till it is all over and it is up to us how to use this time!
Anyway I hope my comment was somehow helpful to you and if I was wrong then please correct me and keep it up.
Submission Name: ……..as I woke up
