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Don't write me off


Author: Archer
ASL Info:    17/female/Oregon
Elite Ratio:    4.82 - 118 /148 /53
Words: 192
Class/Type: Lyrics /Passion
Total Views: 1436
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1052



Description:


i wrote this song to sing at my school talent show though some thing seems to be missing i hope you can help if any one has any ideas on how i can adjust it or make it better let me know. thank you...


Don't write me off



Vs.1
Under the stars, don't pass me by
you can love me if you try.
I know you feel like hope is gone.
But give me a chance to prove you wrong.

(Chorus)
Don't-Write-Me-Off
you've seen how much I care.
It could beforever baby to show you I'll be there.
Please, Don't write me off.

Vs.2
I have a heart you know.
to replace the one you lost,
Give me the chance to show you that i am the right girl to love you.

(Chorus)1x

(Bridge)
you've seen my heart
I've felt your touch,
how can this be,
I love you so much....

(close)
repeat chorus then move to alternate chorus (below)
(alternate chorus)

So, don't write me off
you know how much i care
it could be forever baby
to show you i'll be there
so please....... do..write..me..off




Submitted on 2005-02-22 15:23:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I really don't know what to say about these lyrics. I was drawn to them because I heard that saying on the real world. So I had to read them. The question for you is what aren't you missing? That sounds mean, but not meant to be in a mean way. Anyways, I think their is lots of stuff missing to this, that I really can't find for you. Its something that you would have to think about it. For a long time..

This is not like any of the lyrics I have read. Its differant. Its completely short. Which sometimes is good. But in this case, its not. Because I think so much is left out. But I am sure you will figure it out. Now if you think I am saying I dont like this, your wrong. Because I really thought it was differant. But not my fav. But anyways my favorite part in theese lyrics are

you've seen my heart
I've felt your touch,
how can this be,
I love you so much

Love that

Keep wriitng
Stephanie
| Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
  I didnt think I would like this, but I did. Your rhyme was mostly consistent, and I could de.f hear this as a POP song, but nothing else really.

Unlike Storm, I liked the opening stanza and thought it was the best stanza yet. However its very short before your chorus, and the first stanza after your chorus is even shorter. Add some thought and life to this and I know you could make it a much bolder piece!

At times, I did feel this piece to be a bit cliché, because of word choice and theme, but you kept a pretty consistent structure that overode the cliché.

In my opinion, if you added more of your heart and soul into this by making the stanzas bigger and the extra bits smaller, you could def turn this piece in a much different direction. I interpreted it as a pop song, but you could've had other meaning, and to see that through this is hard to do.

Good job, and I hope you understood what I said up there^.

-Kayla
| Posted on 2005-02-22 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
  Lovely song! I think verse two could read:

I have a heart you know
To replace the one lto go
Give me the chance to show
That I am the girl to know

Baafuo
| Posted on 2005-02-23 00:00:00 | by Nightrider | [ Reply to This ]
  I think I would pull this apart and rearrange the verses, because all the elements are present, but it seems to lack a logical story line. I'm going to write a suggestion below, it's just easier to pull the entire song up than explain how to change it.

you've seen my heart
I've felt your touch,
how can this be
I love you so much

don't write me off
you've seen how much I care
it could be forever baby to show you I'll be there
please, don't write me off.

under the stars, don't pass me by
you can love me if you try
I know you feel like hope is gone
Give me a chance to prove you wrong.

Bridge:
I have a heart you know
to replace the one you've lost
give me a chance to show you
I'm the right girl to love you.

Alternate chorus:
so don't write me off
you know how much I care
it could be forever baby
to show you I'll be there
so please....don't write me off.

I think what I felt is that the original construction gave away the theme too early, songs, like poems need an element of mystery to keep people interested. I think the story line feels more logical this way, too. As I said, it's only one way to do this, have fun, and good luck, I enjoyed your song,
thanks again.

nansofast
| Posted on 2005-03-05 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]


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