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    dots Submission Name: Fake It Jessedots

    Author: HurtDeepDown
    ASL Info:    24/F/OHIO
    Elite Ratio:    4.2 - 165/161/42
    Words: 248
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 860
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1356

       Kinda just wrote this like 10 minutes ago. I don't know how I came up with the story, just started writing and that's what it came out to be.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFake It Jessedots

    Last night was pretty tragic,
    Jesse swore he’d leave me all alone,
    Yet he came in through my window,
    And took me from my only home.
    I shook in fear, was silent,
    Only breathing when I could,
    But Jesse pushed me in the car,
    And I did what anyone would.
    I screamed and cried in torment,
    As blood gushed down from my nose,
    Cause Jesse punched inside my window,
    And glass broke, I couldn’t go.
    I wished I just ran for it,
    Left behind this storming scene,
    But Jesse came here on this night,
    Because he needed me.
    He didn’t want to kill me,
    To get back at enemies,
    Jesse’s only wish was that,
    He did what we’d agreed.
    He got into the driver’s seat,
    And we drove off somewhere far,
    Jesse said I would not make it,
    So I sat up in his car.
    He looked back at me still,
    And asked me for my word,
    I looked at him and nodded,
    The thought was so absurd.
    I stared outside my window,
    As Jesse ran us off the street,
    I quickly detached my belt,
    Before we swerved into the creek.
    Jesse turned his head toward me,
    My body quickly died,
    Last night I didn’t make it,
    And even Jessie cried.

    Submitted on 2005-02-22 16:18:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Wow trippy! I found it an interesting piece and I liked trying to figure it out. I love pieces that make me want to read more. I'll have to give this one another read & see what else I can glean from it! Love, Peace, Joy!
    | Posted on 2005-02-22 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting, at the least. I know what your talking about with the story just coming out. Sometimes I just write these bizarre poems that just flow out of my head, but I usually end up really likeing them. There was good imagery, I could just see this playing out in my head. I enjoyed it, keep writing.
    | Posted on 2005-02-22 00:00:00 | by Katj | [ Reply to This ]
      I saw every thing happening right before my eyes. That was excellent imagery and story telling. I'm a little confused about stumbling forward then detaching your belt and then swarming in the creek. I don't see how one can stumble forward in a seat belt. I like how you said your body died and I supposed your spirit or your soul worte this piece. Nice...
    | Posted on 2005-02-22 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ]
      great imagery and the story is quite interesting and draw you in deeper, but the ending didn't make sense. I think if you re-do the ending, you hit a homerun with it, right now its a triple wanting to score home.

    very good write
    | Posted on 2005-02-22 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]

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