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    dots Submission Name: YOU made a MISTAKEdots

    Author: RandiKae
    ASL Info:    17/F/TX
    Elite Ratio:    3.71 - 125/138/34
    Words: 197
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 1483
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1156

       As you can tell from the first stanza, this poem was going another serious thing, But i decided to have fun with it and kinda make it comical. I wrote this about a guy who cheated on me and wast smart enough to cover it up.Just tell me what you think.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYOU made a MISTAKEdots

    How can you tell someone your sorry,
    for something youve done,
    how can you erase their pain,
    bring back the love youve won.

    Well heres a few tips
    to get you on your way
    forget you ever knew me
    i dont want you to stay.

    youve ruined my trust
    youve broken my heart
    ive cried so many times
    but hey thats jsut the start.

    You threw me to the ground
    walked all over my soul
    and when i picked myself up
    you said "hey i got to go"

    You never stuck around
    long enogh to know
    i would have forgave you
    but oh well to you im jsut a hoe

    Which while im on that subject
    I just want you to know
    i would have NEVER gave it up to ou
    id rather eat my big toe.

    But heres a toast
    to another life youve ruined
    You best be on your way now
    because my anger is brewing

    Oh and remember
    while your picking yourself up off the floor
    Next time you plan to get a girl
    make sure shes really a whore.

    Submitted on 2005-02-23 12:25:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i liked this, i read another one of your poems and enjoyed it as well. remember to proofread because errors just give people something to criticize, the ryhming scheme was pretty good and it flowed well.
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by Jamie06 | [ Reply to This ]
      *giggles* oh funny funny funny! i like what you've done with this. i mean, it's serious but it's also funny. that's a good mix. i espicially like the last stanza. make sure she's really a whore. *laughs*
    okay, so, there are a few minor spelling errors but nothing big to worry about, i just barely caught them.
    well, that's pretty much all i have to say except thanks for the laughs and giggles and keep up the good work!
    -the wildchild
    | Posted on 2005-05-20 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]
       lol. I love this, it's really cute and funny. Although you may want to add some more punctuation, adding in apostrophes and the such, also you may want to look over your work for typos before you post it. I've read a lot of your stuff so far and you seem really intelligent, but when you let those things get past you it doesn't seem such to people going for a first read, ya know? Anyway, this was a really great poem (minus the eating your big toe part, lmfao- it was funny, I just have like a foot phobia, lol). Never stop writing.
    | Posted on 2005-04-14 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like how you wrote this and i think that a lot of girls can relate to this. sometimes it feel like you're being used for just sex and stuff but as long as we know what we are worth and that we are more than just a peice of a$$ as some people may think we will be fine. i hope everything went okay with that situation. keep your head up and try to stay away from those kind of guys, you know? any way i really liked it.
    love tina
    | Posted on 2005-02-23 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]
      ha ha ha... ha! this was hillarious. we all know that feeling dont we? lmao! i hope you kick his ass someday. lol...

    one thing... why'd you leave your rhyme scheme at the end?

    Oh and remember
    while your picking yourself up off the floor
    Next time you plan to get a girl
    make sure shes really a whore.

    love the message, but your attack was gone. N e way, great poem.
    | Posted on 2005-02-23 00:00:00 | by thesacredone | [ Reply to This ]
      Hahaha...okay I really lyked that! I'm *almost* in the same position now..not quite exactly, but almost. So I can sorta relate to how you feel. I loved it! It was a good write and it also made me laugh which is something I needed! And maybe helped me realize even more that I need to move on! Thanks!
    | Posted on 2005-02-23 00:00:00 | by Aryeeka | [ Reply to This ]
      he must of had some fetish... if he thought you were a whore, then he must have some sort of slut complex... hehe, i thought it was sort of funny, but could use some work. i thought the "hoe" line and the "Whore" line were good.
    | Posted on 2005-02-28 00:00:00 | by WD20x2 | [ Reply to This ]

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