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    dots Submission Name: “Do it with intensity”dots

    Author: No Talent
    ASL Info:    24/m/Ny
    Elite Ratio:    4.12 - 263/178/31
    Words: 165
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1947
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1069

       Yeah the kidd is back to check out my stuff n leave some feed back , 1

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots“Do it with intensity”dots

    As I look out.. looked out
    To the sky, endless possibilities seem to fly by..
    Stars that cry though words often lie..
    Changing my mind, like the moon to sunshine..
    And she cries…
    Cries throughout the Night
    The moons bright lights and Plight cures her pain
    From clouds of Hope to Arms of vain
    Pray our love will thrive.. Not choke up with pain…
    Hold me ever so tight
    Hold me yes, hold me right
    Just remember.. Don’t put out the Light
    And as I lay you,
    Lay you down to bed
    I remember one thing.. Only one thing you said…
    “Don’t Love me quietly…Do it with intensity,”
    Feel every moment as it were your last
    Once this Nights passed..
    So as you hold –me , Hold me well
    Look with my heart.. and slowly
    Peal the shell
    Uncover my soul and look within me..
    But never forget the promise
    You made me…
    Don’t- Love-me-quietly. .Do it
    With intensity…

    Submitted on 2005-02-23 16:16:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i thinkt he rhyme fist the tone of the piece, as i read it muchmroe as i would a song lyric than some poem on the page. i think the majority of your stuff that ive read begs to be read aloud. i wish i could hear you perform it...i love the intimacy of this piece,as well as the set up with the imagery of the moon and light...i love love love the message fo loving someone intensely...i mean, what other way is there? and what else is ther ein this life but intese love? not much of importance! <3 cait
    | Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by PhotoNegative | [ Reply to This ]
      i gota agree with Brownsdelight, im seeing this get a massive applause at a funky underground reading! if im interpreting it correctly then this is 1 damn physically intense poem . . .HOT STUFF!
    P.s. i dig your writin style

    Keep spreading the love
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by AfricanPrincess | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really sexy stuff! I enjoyed reading this one very much! I read it twice! I thought the expression of feelings is very passionate and very tastefully written! The rhyme and flow are both very good! "Don't love me quietly, do it with intensity" is just great! Really hot stuff in this write and I can't find anything I didn't like about it! "Feel every moment as it were your last" is another awesome line! This is a definite fave! Tremendous poem!

    | Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this is so genuine and different...you spoke to my soul, probaly cause it felt like you knew me...This is a meticulous piece crafted with passion and doesnt lose the reader..You have an ingenious quality to captivate the reader with your simple yet good choice of diction...I loved this piece...My fav verse:"Don’t- Love-me-quietly. .Do it
    With intensity…"
    | Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ]
      i didnt see a forced rhyme...i just saw pure floetry! this was very well written.

    but then again each reader will come away with something different *shrug*

    for me I could just picture myself in a dark smokey cafe sippin some red wine listening to you recite this at a slam...
    | Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      Much of it is forced by rhyme. The best thing you could do for it is look at it line by line and see what it actually adds.

    Hold me ever so tight
    Hold me yes, hold me right
    So as you hold �me , Hold me well

    That's a lot of "hold me"s.

    I don't understand why all the question marks. It can't be taken literally or it sounds awkward. Taken symbolically it could be sign of being unsure or being without confidence. Perhaps clouded mind?

    Quiet love can be intense too.
    | Posted on 2005-02-23 00:00:00 | by Mimic | [ Reply to This ]

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