Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

“Do it with intensity”


Author: No Talent
ASL Info:    24/m/Ny
Elite Ratio:    4.12 - 263 /178 /31
Words: 165
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 2263
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1095



Description:


Yeah the kidd is back to check out my stuff n leave some feed back , 1


“Do it with intensity”



As I look out.. looked out
To the sky, endless possibilities seem to fly by..
Stars that cry though words often lie..
Changing my mind, like the moon to sunshine..
And she cries…
Cries throughout the Night
The moons bright lights and Plight cures her pain
From clouds of Hope to Arms of vain
Pray our love will thrive.. Not choke up with pain…
So-hold-me..
Hold me ever so tight
Hold me yes, hold me right
Just remember.. Don’t put out the Light
And as I lay you,
Lay you down to bed
I remember one thing.. Only one thing you said…
“Don’t Love me quietly…Do it with intensity,”
Feel every moment as it were your last
But-Don’t-Forget-me
Once this Nights passed..
So as you hold –me , Hold me well
Look with my heart.. and slowly
Peal the shell
Uncover my soul and look within me..
But never forget the promise
You made me…
Don’t- Love-me-quietly. .Do it
With intensity…




Submitted on 2005-02-23 16:16:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  i thinkt he rhyme fist the tone of the piece, as i read it muchmroe as i would a song lyric than some poem on the page. i think the majority of your stuff that ive read begs to be read aloud. i wish i could hear you perform it...i love the intimacy of this piece,as well as the set up with the imagery of the moon and light...i love love love the message fo loving someone intensely...i mean, what other way is there? and what else is ther ein this life but intese love? not much of importance! <3 cait
| Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by PhotoNegative | [ Reply to This ]
  i gota agree with Brownsdelight, im seeing this get a massive applause at a funky underground reading! if im interpreting it correctly then this is 1 damn physically intense poem . . .HOT STUFF!
P.s. i dig your writin style

Keep spreading the love
Nadia*
| Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by AfricanPrincess | [ Reply to This ]
  This is really sexy stuff! I enjoyed reading this one very much! I read it twice! I thought the expression of feelings is very passionate and very tastefully written! The rhyme and flow are both very good! "Don't love me quietly, do it with intensity" is just great! Really hot stuff in this write and I can't find anything I didn't like about it! "Feel every moment as it were your last" is another awesome line! This is a definite fave! Tremendous poem!

Lorna
| Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow this is so genuine and different...you spoke to my soul, probaly cause it felt like you knew me...This is a meticulous piece crafted with passion and doesnt lose the reader..You have an ingenious quality to captivate the reader with your simple yet good choice of diction...I loved this piece...My fav verse:"Don’t- Love-me-quietly. .Do it
With intensity…"
| Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ]
  i didnt see a forced rhyme...i just saw pure floetry! this was very well written.

but then again each reader will come away with something different *shrug*

for me I could just picture myself in a dark smokey cafe sippin some red wine listening to you recite this at a slam...
| Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
  Much of it is forced by rhyme. The best thing you could do for it is look at it line by line and see what it actually adds.



So-hold-me..
Hold me ever so tight
Hold me yes, hold me right
So as you hold �me , Hold me well

That's a lot of "hold me"s.


I don't understand why all the question marks. It can't be taken literally or it sounds awkward. Taken symbolically it could be sign of being unsure or being without confidence. Perhaps clouded mind?


Quiet love can be intense too.
| Posted on 2005-02-23 00:00:00 | by Mimic | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



47960