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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hidden Treasuredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: pinurplepassion
    ASL Info:    24/f/somewhere in TX
    Elite Ratio:    5.92 - 165/146/17
    Words: 168
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 969
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1057



    Description:
       I recently worked in a classroom with autistic children, and this poem in a very, well non poetic way is the inspiration they gave me. I see the way they are treated and I see the light in their eyes that tells me there is more to them than we can ever imagine. So this is for them.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHidden Treasuredots
    -------------------------------------------


    He sits alone, the little boy lost,
    The only sounds he ever make
    Are screams that come unyielding.

    A tantrum, a fit, banging his head,
    And nobody wants to be bothered,
    With this little screaming menace.

    But he hears every word you say,
    And he cries alone on the inside,
    Although your eyes never see his tears.

    There is a child inside this lost little boy,
    A child with a mind a heart and a soul,
    That is dying to make his appearance.

    And he hears you,
    When you say he is hopeless.

    And he sees you,
    When you roll your eyes at his grunting.

    And he wonders,
    Why he has to be so different,
    and why you hate him so much.

    And he hurts,
    More than you can ever imagine.

    He's in there, a hidden treasure,
    Trying to find his way through,
    the maze that is his mind.
    Just to find the strength to tell you,
    He's in there.




    Submitted on 2005-02-24 00:43:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      ...and you gave him a voice, took notice of his beauty and worth, showed him kindness and patience, gave him a place to be himself, shared his plight with the world... that is the poetry of this piece.
    | Posted on 2005-04-05 00:00:00 | by Magnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      You've really done it with this one. So well written. A wonderful and original topic. Heartfelt. You have to have a warm heart to bring this out in the way you did.
    And I agree.. it IS poetic.
    It's sad that those of us who are healthy sometimes find those in need to be a "burden" . I'm glad to know all are not like that, such as yourself.

    Thanks for this write.

    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-03-27 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, awesome. yeah, i needed that. thanks alot. i'm on my way to my nest class of ED and LD kids and yes, that was wonderful. beautifully written, powerful but not overwhelming. seriously wonderful job.
    | Posted on 2005-03-18 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't think this is non-poetic... I think it is everything poems should be... to the point, descriptive enough to create the mental image, to create the feelings... but not pointlessly descriptive just to sound poetic.

    Well written... I have no changes that I would make...
    | Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]
      and what brought this on oh favorite cousin of mine? reminds me of some of the stuff we talked about in psychology i like the end tho very nicely done
    | Posted on 2005-02-24 00:00:00 | by Georgia Gurl | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a difficult piece to make commentary on because, like you said, you have described what you see in this boy [or these people] and so this is what it is.
    and that is fine.
    i dont really think it would be beneficial or just to make this more 'poetic,' as such, as it may just dilute the message and the standing of what you want to say; which is the important part in this, and it is essential that it does not get lost in a load or over description.
    so i think you have done what you set out to do and for the most part you have done it well, and you have tackled the issue with relative sympathy.
    one thing i would say is that the piece as a whole, though non-specificlly, is pretty cliché.
    in this instance there is a fine line, and i think you can get away with it a little more than perhaps in other pieces, because of the subject you choose, but without wishing to undermine your piece i think the tears from the inside and the mind and heart and sould inside the boy trying to break out or hiding or whatever and people dont see it is something that perhaps you could have described in a different way so as to make it a little more poignant. this kind of description is used in so many cases for people who can not be seen or heard and it would have been nice to see you hit it from a different angle.
    take care
    on1eday.co.uk
    | Posted on 2005-02-24 00:00:00 | by on1eday.co.uk | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey pinurplepassion


    Even though you see” this poem in a very, well non poetic” way, did I enjoy reading it. It gave me a description of, what you really saw in their/his eyes, what they maybe are going through, being who they are. It had a strong effect on me and made me think for a veil, because how do we really know, what they are thinking if they are not able to express themselves. Not that it is okay to treat them as you described, just curious. I especially liked

    He's in there, a hidden treasure,
    Trying to find his way through,
    the maze that is his mind.
    Just to find the strength to tell you,
    He's in there.

    Keep writing ;0)

    KNS
    | Posted on 2005-03-04 00:00:00 | by KNS | [ Reply to This ]
      this is very touching, and i admire the work you do. it is not easy. people don't realize that there is a soul inside, just crying to be set free. you have managed to convey that in your poem. thanks for sharing and for doing the work you do.
    | Posted on 2005-04-02 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]


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