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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: SAVEDdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jermwerm
    ASL Info:    26/m/FRESNO CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.29 - 203/268/83
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1182
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 688



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSAVEDdots
    -------------------------------------------


    As reflection in the moon.
    your face apears to me.
    A silent photo paused,
    shining light so I can see.
    Angel of the darkness,
    defeating me below.
    You've come to save my life,
    I'm here to love your soul.
    Faceing you I'm sane,
    for love is staring me.
    Locked deep into those eyes,
    a megestic mystery.
    The softness of your skin,
    touched dark and deep within.
    Your love which calls for me,
    will love exchange from sin?
    Your heart will choose it's place,
    as for me the choice is right.
    The beauty of your soul,
    will blind my mindless sight.




    Submitted on 2005-02-24 17:36:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this a lot as well, I am really starting to agree with you about our styles being similar. Just a few spelling mistakes again but thats all correctable, you choose words beautifully and create a feeling, a life in what your writing and thats what matters. so here are 2 i didn't see others point out...(just so you can fix it properly)
    Appears
    Majestic
    also i feel a bit more padding in some places I
    >
    A shining light so I can see. (i would use ...might see, as well, but thats just me)
    An angel of the darkness

    also,

    For love is staring at me.

    the only line i had a problem with was facing you i'm sane.
    it just left me unsure what you mean by that and i just feel the idea i get from it is out of place here.

    But other than that i love it, and that is truly all it needs, just a few A's and AN's. and just that one little line hits me wrong but i dunno, maybe thats just me.

    great poem and talk to ya later jermy
    CC
    | Posted on 2005-04-07 00:00:00 | by C. Starr | [ Reply to This ]
      Whats shakin jermworm.?-I think its good . A few sugetions< First shining is spelled like that and you wrote zI'm here -Unless you meant to do that I'd fix it cause I know you would want it correct. Next you wrote Love is stareing me, I think its staring-Then you wrote Your love wich calls for me-That might be better if you replace wich with that. It would read better-And eor me- I dont understand that, maybe a typo?
    Anyway just a few sugestions take it or leave it. But I rteally like this. We never meaning guys never see whats good for them. And that is what this made me think of. How with all this beautifull girl could offer us its still not what we want, its weird, Oh well Love sux anyway ~nice piece~L.t
    | Posted on 2005-02-24 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really good piece. With the exception of the typing errors as pointed out by LameMansTerms. I loved the rhyme scheme. It flows quite well and invokes many emotions. Good job. ~SirensSong~
    | Posted on 2005-02-24 00:00:00 | by SirensSong | [ Reply to This ]


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