Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Follow the Tidedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: _proper_noun_
    ASL Info:    20/m/OK
    Elite Ratio:    5.36 - 106/88/24
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Longing
    Total Views: 1097
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 831



    Description:
       Little bitty town where all the middle age people who live there grew up there. You know that everyone save a precious few are going to get stuck here, even though there is so much artistic talent in this town. Maybe you'll be one of those precious few, eh?

    That's the mood of this piece.

    By the way, this is a full song, so if you think it's really short, hahahahaha on you! We've played it and have it down, and it's a normal length song, so yeah. You lose...unless you DIDn't think it was too short, then you you win. Ok, what are you doing still reading this? Go read the actual piece...jeez.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFollow the Tidedots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the heat of the stage lights,
    On the small town streets,
    Night-time flowers come
    To play with me.
    Choruses of pretty words,
    They love to sing,
    Praying that their simple lives
    Won't always be.

    They see me with raven eyes,
    But no one knows what I look like.
    Under this starlight
    I'll follow the tide.

    Lay back with no surprise
    When they don't know the truth;
    Bleed the words like running ink
    Till they don't mean a thing.
    Close your doors,
    Or open your eyes.
    Find a perfect centre for
    The lover's other side.

    They see me with raven eyes,
    But no one knows what I look like.
    Under this starlight
    I'll follow the tide.




    Submitted on 2005-02-25 11:54:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow...i really liked that...didnt seem short so i guess i win? hah...i could only imagine how great this would sound as a song...its amazing on paper but actually playing it would be beyond amazing...if that made sense...great imagery and details with description...the scene just jumps off of the page and into the audiences mind...i thought that it was very original..you cut it into stanzas perfectly..overall..excellent write!
    | Posted on 2005-02-25 00:00:00 | by eternaldarkness | [ Reply to This ]
      i like how you described this piece abouve it really made alot of sence to me i enjoyed it fully and i feel that it's meaning is quite strong. As eternaldarkness said it is shaped perfectly like a puzzle at that. Very nice job one question what typr of music is it and what's your bands name????? curiosity gets the best of me
    Sammy R
    | Posted on 2005-02-25 00:00:00 | by Raven_s Miser | [ Reply to This ]
      good poem here, real good wording and meaning. i like how you say but no one can see me, like in one of mine i say the world cant see me inside of itself, for im blind to myself right now. more of a sad meaning but my first line here, well lets just say i feel your work here. good job keep up the writting.
    | Posted on 2005-02-25 00:00:00 | by jermwerm | [ Reply to This ]
      Hella better lyrics than most of the crap on the radio and TV. I really think you use the half rhymes to good effect in the first stanza (or whatever it's called in a song). "Bleed the words like running ink" is a cool line. It makes me think of that White Stripes song "Seven Nation Army".

    Gee, this sure seems short for a song, though. Just kidding. I read your description. It seems short because we read it a lot faster than you sing it (I would guess), and without silent pparts.

    I think you should call yourself improper noun.
    | Posted on 2005-02-25 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      hey thanks for submiting<to my request>! i love this as lyrics or as a poem, and im perhaps influenced by the fact that im listening to jeff buckley but it came across as a sort of slow powerful type lyric. As for what you're saying about the town i can identify completely. I used to live in a tiny town on the border where all my friends live scattered around the countryside. I went back last weekend to see them all at a friends birthday party, it was great to see them but it's sad to see so many wasted stuck there. Not that i see the comercial world of big cities as any better but i do feel theyre stuck, like you say. I totally identify with that feeling, i got out, but my heart's still there. My boyfriend still stays there and he talks about moving out, i only hope one day he will, because i need him and i dont think i'd cope with living there my whole life. This piece is very perceptive of that kind of social structure of a small town. Theres a kind of magical enchantment of being seperate to the big bad world, it's like living in a dream when i go back, and i love and hate it for different <obviously> reasons.

    To play with me.
    Choruses of pretty words,

    id split these lines like this for poetic reading ...ness, i dont know you know structure and things. There was definitive originality, i wouldnt comment if i didnt think it was worth commenting on, and this definately was, thanks again for sharing...and you can't get caught and dragged down if you keep your mind open and your enthusiasm fed with music, love or whatever drives you on, keep writing my friend
    ellisa
    | Posted on 2005-02-28 00:00:00 | by ellisa | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    48211

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry