wow, 2 words: short and sweet. yet the last word wouldn't tie in completely...but it does sort of. i loved the idea behind it, the whole metaphore was really risky but you worked past it. try to avoid putting capitals at the beginning of every line. you don't need them, its like saying that each line is a new sentence, or if the sentence continues onto the next like, you're randomly putting a Word(like that) in the middle of the line...which isnt exactly grammatically correct unless it's intentional. nice work, i enjoyed it very much.