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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "Hai-ku-dos to Max"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 16
    Class/Type: Haiku/Comedy
    Total Views: 722
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 90



    Description:
       Another attempt at a Haiku. What the hell right?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"Hai-ku-dos to Max"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I love my dog Max.
    He's the smartest one I know.
    He should get a job...




    Submitted on 2005-02-25 19:44:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      

    Sorry, that's all I can really say. This is one funny sen-ryu like Silverdog said. I also agree that you pulled it off really well. The juxtaposition between the first two lines and the third is great... and a comical image.

    Lol, Kudos to Max and kudos to you.

    Jase
    | Posted on 2006-04-27 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      ha.

    great title.
    you dont need anything else.
    stright poker faced.
    no sh-it.
    no frills.
    nice.
    a poem?
    um
    no.
    not really.
    but good,
    yes.

    the difference betwen the semi colon and colon is quite subtle.
    the colon: 'A punctuation mark ( : ) used after a word introducing a quotation, an explanation, an example, or a series and often after the salutation of a business letter.
    and the semi-colon:
    'A mark of punctuation ( ) used to connect independent clauses and indicating a closer relationship between the clauses than a period does'
    so in english, the colon is used to set an example and the semi colon is used to relate one thing to another that are independant though not totally so; relating to each other in some form.
    hope this helps.
    and makes sense.
    take care
    on1eday.co.uk
    | Posted on 2005-02-25 00:00:00 | by on1eday.co.uk | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not gonna bother nitpicking this. I agree with on1eday that it should have a colon or semicolon, but who cares. A comedy piece gets a lot of leeway...this is just fun...I feel the same way about my dog Larcen. But then again, his royal ass would find most any job beneath him. Cool stuff Michael.

    Please, keep reminding me not to take myself too serious.
    | Posted on 2005-02-25 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      Love the play on words with the title,brother. Funny little ode to your dog. I am just starting to fiddle with some haiku's myself. The more I think about the title, it becomes funnier and funnier. Hahahahahahhahahahhahh. Magnolia
    | Posted on 2005-02-26 00:00:00 | by Magnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      I have been reading alot about the form of haiku lately. While I'm no expert, it didn't take me long to figure out that there is a whole lot more to it than just 5-7-5.

    Some have said that you should relax your standards with comedy. Maybe thats true, i dunno. I doubt it though.

    here is a link to an article I found and posted in the forum about haiku that you might find interesting. peace bro...


    http://www.eliteskills.com/forum/topic/8/1503
    | Posted on 2005-02-26 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
      LOL dude! My dog would be seriously offended by this one cuz she is definately the smartest dog aroung. Hey maybe our dogs should hook up. Oh damn that was tacky. Anyway, not too many people would go out on this limb (I mean seriously dude its about your dog) so kudos to you for that. I dont really know a whole lot about haiku so I cant give much input, other than to say thanks for the laugh.
    | Posted on 2005-02-26 00:00:00 | by pinurplepassion | [ Reply to This ]
      this cracked me up, as my roomate and i are always telling our cats (we have 10) that they need to get jobs so they can help pay for the food and the litter. they just look at us like we're a bit daft. this is light-hearted and gave me a chuckle on this chilly day. thanks for that!
    | Posted on 2005-02-26 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      lol this is cute. im not much into haiku because what in the world can you really say about 3 lines. but i did have a little chuckle about this one. i think you did really good on the title too.
    | Posted on 2005-02-26 00:00:00 | by SilentWhisper | [ Reply to This ]
      This is quite succinct and humorous, though Haiku it is not. If I were to classify it , the closest i can think of is a "senyru", (a light-hearted sister of haiku). But whatever, the title word play is funny, and adds to the piece, and there is a conflicting/complementary thought that flashes us in the last line.
    Some other good sites on haiku/senyru if you are interested are

    http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/haiku/examples.html
    http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/haiku/haiku.html
    "not Seventeen" at http://www.empirezine.com/haiku/1.htm

    This was bright and entertaining.
    Hai-ku-dos to U 2
    Sally
    | Posted on 2005-02-26 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      LOL. In haiku forms, the first two lines or thereabouts, give us an image, and say something about it -soooooo
    I love my dog Max.
    He's the smartest one I know.

    The last line or so then has a completely different image or thought, which either complements the first 2 lines, or says something totally different, (conflicting, contradictory-) but is still related to the first thought, -that's the proverbial "haiku moment" that either brings a smile or a tear or profound flash of insight.

    Your first 2 lines would sound awfully insipid with out that that last
    "He should get a job..."-that is the complementary/contrasting part, and that's why this is funny.
    yeah, you can do that
    You did
    Silver
    | Posted on 2005-02-26 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]


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