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    dots Submission Name: Penguinsdots

    Author: elephantasia
    ASL Info:    37/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 398/490/159
    Words: 42
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 948
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 254


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Now the past has finally passed
    And the penguins have exited stage left
    And the seeds of my future
    Are in my own hands
    I will be sure to plant well;
    For tomorrows fruits can bear seeds
    For other gardens.

    Submitted on 2005-02-26 04:27:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      For those who are interested...the penguins represented memories frozen in time. When the penguins finally swam away there was freedom form the past.
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm... I am not sure what message this is supposed to relay, but having said that, I like the originality and the fact that you mention penguins. :P
    | Posted on 2005-07-15 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the penguins. Gives it some variety. I decided they were tap-dancers in tuxedos, with the actual word representing life's absurdity, was I right?
    Great images, but consider trimming out the filler phrases, like "And the," "will be sure," "Are in," "can bear," "For other." Just rearrange everything until you squeeze out as many words as possible, and you might get something better. Sometimes I look at something so long I get stuck...
    This might be rude of me, but my typing fingers are itchy.
    Now the past dims,
    The penguins bow offstage
    Seeds scratch my palms
    Eager for planting
    Eager to seed for new gardens.
    I'm not saying that's better, I just wish I'd written the original. Keep working. I've never seen this poem before, you've got something here.
    | Posted on 2005-03-10 00:00:00 | by Rokhal | [ Reply to This ]
      this was confusing. i didnt understand where the penguins exiting stage left fitted in. i read it without the line and i liked it much better. becuase without the penguin line its a poem about embracing your future even though your scared. just a thought.
    | Posted on 2005-02-26 00:00:00 | by broken_dreamer | [ Reply to This ]

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