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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "SEPTEMBER BURNS"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 461
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 708
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2924



    Description:
       This is really a first draft, I threw out of the top of my head. I think some good ideas are here, maybe a little tweaking who knows...????
    All help will be welcomed.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"SEPTEMBER BURNS"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I knew that this day would have to come.
    That day I woke before everyone.
    Across the country, on every screen
    the unfolding of an ugly scene,
    one that I wish I'd never seen.
    For all the tears we shed.
    For our friends that are dead.
    All of our hands are red.
    Guilt is all we feel.
    A country tried to steal,
    Every single stripe and star.
    Representing who and what we are.
    But thats just it; who are we?
    And who said we were better than every other country?

    Symbols of our strength fell to the ground.
    When the smoke cleared, Unity is all they found.
    However we took for granted all we see.
    We are the killers of our democracy.
    We live as the stones we had never cast.
    Our leader doing what his father asked.
    I just wish that I could go back.....
    To a better day in somewhere in the past......

    On the northern most porch of every home,
    the red white and blue were proudly flown.
    And the southern most desolate place.
    Nobody was an unfriendly face.
    But even though they live next door,
    what were we all fighting for?
    I don't see the reasoning in all this.
    16 friends I'm still going to miss.
    Nothing can ever bring them back.
    Don't you feel the guilt on our back?

    Patriotism is what we chose.
    Fiction in this here prose
    Freedom was ringing out aloud.
    Together like brothers, we stood proud.
    One countries confusion between religion and sin
    Only made ours much more genuine.
    Stickers of pride were all the eye could see.
    on windows of stores and the back of every S.U.V
    It's freedom for both you and me.
    Sometimes we must lose to gain a victory.
    But this is what they wanted us to see.
    Our government blindly leads.
    Everything we see and hear.
    Painting their lovely picture of what they think
    we should love and fear.
    What the fuck has happened here....?

    Never forget who and what you are,
    The red, white and blue and all 50 stars.
    Because of that one enevitable day:
    Someone tried to break our U.S.A.
    Our country took a stand;
    To ensure the future of every American.
    But the truth is we all bleed.
    Everyone is guilty.
    As time quickly passes by
    Every day being the 4th of July.
    I think it's all just bullshit.
    I'm not there puppet and won't stand for it.
    I'm not gonna live in vain.
    Because what we believe is just not the same.

    I will always remember...
    Waking before everyone.
    I should have went back to bed
    and woke up sometime in late November.

    L A M E M A N S T E R M S




    Submitted on 2005-02-26 20:15:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Okay- this is something the AD COUNCIL would write, a big load of nostalgik, patriotic propaganda (which many of us could'nt buy when the time came). But this is how grand narratives of history begin (songs of praise and 1 sided veiw points). The whole cohesive hole thing, the whole unity aspect was a bunch of bull- I think more and more people are feeling disenfranchised by the powers that be (within the globe, not just this country...

    For example:
    One countries confusion between religion and sin
    Only made ours much more genuine.


    okay mind you that evry one in the US is not a fundmanetalist christain...
    and many of us are frustrated by the by the fact that "moral" legistaltion is currently being crammed down our throuts.



    and..

    Our country took a stand;
    To ensure the future of freedom for every American.


    Yes, I guess not too many peoplke were admament about the Patriot Act. (if you dont know the details of this act, please look it up... and go to ready.gov.

    Remeber, the quote that goes something like "Americans that think and read are patriots of the highest order"
    -forgot who wrote it.

    | Posted on 2005-02-27 00:00:00 | by screams | [ Reply to This ]
      Good write and I'm sorry for your friends, Yes this whole war is bull[censored]. blame it on bush, In a way it was us that crashed the planes into ourselves because it was people who learned to fly from and in this country. And in the long run we're in the wrong, the reason our country is hated is because we try to police the world and we should'nt do that. The other countries see us destroy thee world and the've lived in it since before god. India are soposed to be the happiest people in the world with a religion older than any recorded history. I personaly think the american indians that lived here in this country befor us we're the truest and most respecting people who ever lived. There were mias and ints but they learned from aliens I think math and tech, The main seed that overtakes our wield today. Knowlage we can't yet control. The Indians did'nt need all that, they had peace of mind and lived off the land and belived a religion that respected all. We, our country took this land from them and ever since have been trying to take the world from everyone else. This war [censored] stinks, but at the same time if we did'nt have war then me and you would'nt be typing on this site with freedom and eating pizza. We would be in the control of people who torture others and would have no say. but than again what really is freedom? Any way good write and I'd like to ask you something. What the hell and how the hell do you use the ROLE PLAYING deal in this site. I dont understand it. how does it work and what does it require. If you do know please explain it to me. I figured out of anyone here you might know.
    | Posted on 2005-03-01 00:00:00 | by jermwerm | [ Reply to This ]
      well, unlike most of the previous comments i am not going to get all political because that is not what we are here for ;).

    To be quite honest you lost me on the first line. I dont know if its a typo or a punctuation thing but I cant understand it.

    The fourth line is a bit shaky, unreal and chaotic i think may be a bit much.

    The very last part is good but the last line kinda slows down too much, maybe too long.

    I really liked the way that you had a ryming pattern but not really a set one. Some rymed some didnt and then sometimes it was 3 lines, sometimes 7. I am a sucker for an unconventional form so really great job on that.
    | Posted on 2005-03-01 00:00:00 | by pinurplepassion | [ Reply to This ]


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