Description: I don't know if I like Haikuscause they don't make any sense-BUT
Haiku=5-7-5+ the 2 and 3 lines are supposed to relate to the first in some teary or insightfull way. (this is my interpretation of it)
NOW,I didn't exactly follow the rules to the T. However I don't see anything wrong with paying a small tribute to the japanese by the format going down and a more traditional compliment by just being different. Sorry if you disagree. No disrespect intended~L.t
Quench
ing
yet
drench
ing
my
dry
mouth
o
pens
wi
der
know
ledge
was
my
death
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L A M E M A N S T E R M S
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Interesting! Yeah, I definitely wouldn't go in and call it a haiku but maybe like, the-individualistic-American-version-of-a-haiku. Ha ha, I am just so funny.
The only thing that I didn't like about this very cool poem was the way you ended it. I would make it where it ends a little more light-heartedly... like, "knowledge was my life". You're still dead but you could make it sound like a little more optimistical death. I dunno, that's just my personal opinion.
In all other areas, very interesting. Even the title, which was what drew me in in the first place.
oh my oh my. haikudn't have is the best title and most original title i have read yet! i love how you seperated the letters of the words into multiple line because it makes you stress that word more and helps the flow go a lot easier and smoother. i love how you say 'knowledge is my death' because although somewhat cliché it works so well with this poem because it is unexpected yet somewhat vital to this work. altogether nice job sweetheart. i love reading your poetry.
I don't even know what you are going for here, haha. It has no real meaning behind it and I can only assume that is what you were going for by your description. But the format was interesting.
LoL, that was weird. I've never seen anything like it before, but unique. It's good that you're testing out all type of poetry. People have set styles and don't really leave that bubble, so it's good your venturing. I have the problem I just stated. Heh. But it was good for a hiku I think, I think maybe the format was off though, I've never written a haiku...except maybe in like, 4th grade or something. But yeah, good venturing off into the world of writing. And It was very...unique. I've never seeen a haiku written like that. Nice job.
I'm guessing you looked up Mister Fizzle's article on haikus which he constantly advertises to any haikus he comments on. You did, rite? So kudos goes to Mister Takayangi Shigenobu for the unique pattern, you just adapted from his form...But why death? Something I didn't really understand,...you talk about drinking yet over-doing it and opening mouth and then, knowledge was your death? I don't get the connection...
Sebby
P.S. What is it with you trying to pun every title of any haiku you write? Is it some sort of a collection thingy you're doing?
that is the fu-cker with form, as soon as you diverge from the exact format then you no longer have the format. i wonder what you are getting out of this? are you enjoying it or is it just pissing you off?this piece reads like you have had enough an you have just spelled it out for us. i feel like you are talking to me like i am a four year old and no matter what you say it will not get through or i will not understand. and that is the effect in breaking up the piece monosyllabically. how does knowledge was my death relate to the other two lines. perhpas in your head it could, but i dont think you tell us enough to let us believe this. and who is saying it is easy in just three lines.
and i know di-ck all about haiku but is it not supposed to be on a theme of nature? well, whatever. looks like you're playing about, and that is cool in finding your feet. take care on1eday.co.uk
i think i am missing something. i thought haiku was 3 lines, 5-7-5 syllables. but then again, im not an expert on haiku, so maybe theres something i dont know. i thought it had to be three lines. maybe knowledge was your death as in like curiosity killed the cat. hell i dont know. im just babbling now. can ya tell? anyway, im confused
Submission Name: "Haikudn't Have"
