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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Replaying the Bright Worlddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 705
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 615



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsReplaying the Bright Worlddots
    -------------------------------------------


    She'd lie awake at night
    beside him as he slept:
    she could see his dreams.
    She'd had this blessing,
    this burden,
    this curse
    since childhood,
    and now she panted.
    She gasped
    at the people dying,
    at the screaming children,
    for she could feel their pain
    in the waking hours.
    She prayed for this nightmare
    to stop replaying,
    And she knew
    that he'd lived it
    in the bright world
    though he'd never said so.
    She prayed for her own dreams
    to quiet the war.




    Submitted on 2005-02-26 23:46:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I love this poem. I wouldn't change a thing at all. I'm thinkin this is a new fave.

    I think I like
    She prayed for her own dreams
    To quiet the war
    the best lines are normally the last.
    Great job on this. Awesome write.
    Blessed Be!
    | Posted on 2005-02-27 00:00:00 | by Sarah Leger | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww. Talk about sadness with greatness all in one. The concept behind this is great. The format is simple and works well with the powerful idea wrapped within the words. Having someone see someone elses dreams and feel it seems like a curse and a gift. You could tell about the person. Like you stated in your piece that she knew he felt that in his waking life. You told this story so well. I'm amazed at your skill. Even after reading all your other wonderful writes. You still amaze me with your words. I just really loved this piece. It's a favorite. Excellent.
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-02-27 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      this was a good poem. it has a still dramatic tension in it. I wouldnt change any thing in it.

    I like this poem it reminds me of some one close to me, yet she is so far away.

    Great write
    ACE
    | Posted on 2005-02-27 00:00:00 | by Ace | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice job
    This is something that has been done before but the way you wrote it and the choice of words you used made it feel fresh to me.
    Kinda reminds me of myself about being able to know what it is that people dream....to quiet the war of nightmares in there head.
    I also notice that this is kinda of a difffrent subject matter in which I am use to seeing you write about.
    I liked it .

    ~shawn
    | Posted on 2005-02-27 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this Amy, there are times that knowing gives us painful ideas of how someone's life has gone. The fact that she sees his dreams and wants to heal them is a testimony of her love. But also, she knew it was something he'd lived through like a nightmare. He couldn't tell her, only cling to her love as he felt the peace of her loving ways. I love the last lines

    She prayed for her own dreams
    To quiet the war

    Great job, it's good to see new work from you.
    thanks for sharing,

    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-02-27 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      this is very poignant. she loves him so that she feels his dreams and wants to heal him with her own. that is true love and devotion. he can't quite share with her the horror he has seen. i suppose sometimes speaking of it makes it too real again. it certainly is a burden and somewhat of a curse that she can feel his dreams and pain this deeply. i can actually say that i've had something similar to this happen to me, and it does indeed seem a curse.

    i think you have a double "this" in the 5th line (This this burden...).

    it's good to see you posting some new stuff! i do need my Amy fix every once-in-awhile, and you have not lost your edge at all.
    | Posted on 2005-02-27 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Even from the 1st line you expect something horrible to happen,what 'she' has been through.
    Then it unfolds,wonderfully.
    The last two lines were a perfect finish,contrasted starkly with the horrors the previous lines described.

    *applause*
    | Posted on 2005-02-27 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      Wonderful Amy. a novel idea that elicits a poignant response, sweet that she loves him so, and sad that both he and she had to go through that horror. I knew a woman, now deceased who had pretty remarkable physic powers, especially about dreams. Some people's dreams gave her nightmares, literally.This reminded me of her for a moment.
    I loved the ending,
    "She prayed for her own dreams
    To quiet the war"

    It brings it all together, and reminds that even when the war is over, the survivors are the saddest of the victims, -the dead have no more pain .
    Nice one
    Silver
    | Posted on 2005-02-28 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      I would think that anyone, psychic or not, would feel that pain from their loved one. Perhaps it wouldn't be in a literal sense, and perhaps this shouldn't be taken literally.

    Touching, sad, but a wee bit of hope in the end...nice amy
    | Posted on 2005-02-28 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmmn...i like this...the idea of this person being able to see into anothers subconsious..dreams...thoughts...i'm guessing thats what your portraying here...though...it seems so hmmn...i don't know it seems like you could of written a whole story...or put more detail...i really like the thought here...i just think you could of written it better which is weird that i'm saying this about something you've written...because its you cuddle...lol...i don't know...it just seems to lack your usual...style and wonderful word usage...i don't know what elseto say really..but i really do like what you have here...purps
    | Posted on 2005-03-01 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is an interesting thought. I love your title. it made mewant to read it (besides the fact that it is by you ). but I have to agree with purplesun. it lacks your usual colorful language. that is not such a big problem (you can write powerful poems even with the simplest language) but it doesn't draw me in like usually. I guess it's because you leave me a bit hanging. why does he have nightmares??
    nevertheless it's a good poem and a great idea behind it but I would have liked something more (even if I can't really explain what 'more'...).
    | Posted on 2005-03-01 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. you outdid yourself in this one. How wonderful it would be to have someone to share your dreams, and how awful to have to share someone's dreams. I sometimes feel that the dreams I am having belong to someone else, but I do not know who. The last two lines are definitely the crowning glory of this poem. You are good as always. Lynn
    | Posted on 2005-03-02 00:00:00 | by greensnake | [ Reply to This ]


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