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Alternate Reality *fantasy*

Author: Chicool2
ASL Info:    17/f/Pennsylvania
Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 266 /260 /60
Words: 91
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 1091
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 636


My rebirth piece!
I'll describe more later cuz I have to go to church

Alternate Reality *fantasy*

Sometimes I wish
You would come over
Take me in your arms
And cradle me
Caress my hair
In your fingers
Say 'I've loved you forever'
And kiss me with those luminous lips
Those wonderful lips
I wish were on mine
Thats' an alternate reality
A fantasy
That usually doesn't come true
Unless it works
The other way around
And I make the first move
Say I need to talk to you
Take you somewhere
Where we are alone
And kiss you
Waiting for a reply to come. . .

Submitted on 2005-02-27 10:50:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  I think this is good. I can relate to it. As i'm sure many others can relate to it also. It made me get in more of a better mood than i am in right now. I like how the title fits the poem. This reminds me of all the times I wanted to have a boyfriend, but he liked another girl or else he already had a girlfriend. I think you should try to make it flow a little bit better. Other than that i thought it was really good. I hope to read more of your writings, because you don't write that often anymore.
Mikki :]
| Posted on 2005-02-27 00:00:00 | by MiKkI25 | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked this. fantasy is 80% where a persons mind always seems to wonder. Wouldn't be nice for them to come true?
I thought you did good with expressing your emotion in this. Longing. There seems to be a minor error that I noticed, after every line, it seems to end with a thought, but there are no periods. Get what I'm saying/ Other than that. Good job. Imagery and word choice were great.

| Posted on 2005-02-27 00:00:00 | by Broken heart dies | [ Reply to This ]
  Yes, being a teen does have it pleasure and it was a pleasure for me to read this innocnet and not so innocent fantasy.

good write
| Posted on 2005-02-27 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
  Ok I got differant messages from this. Did you kiss Victor?????? I know its fantasy.. But you said that you were gonna talk to him.. My brother said you called.. But I couldn't call you back. Cause Im ground but i snuck on this. Did things work out with you too.
I liked this a lot. Amy welcome back. When I was reading this. i was definatly feeling you and Victor.. He caressing your hair and everything. Im surprised I wasn't thinking of myself on this one with Matt.
What a shocker..
Tell me how things turn oout.

Im so exited for you
If anything happened. Or the news.. ANything of this topic will get me going,.. haha
| Posted on 2005-02-27 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]

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