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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Alternate Reality *fantasy*dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Chicool2
    ASL Info:    17/f/Pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 266/260/60
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 919
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 636



    Description:
       My rebirth piece!
    I'll describe more later cuz I have to go to church


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAlternate Reality *fantasy*dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sometimes I wish
    You would come over
    Unexpectedly
    Take me in your arms
    And cradle me
    Caress my hair
    In your fingers
    Say 'I've loved you forever'
    And kiss me with those luminous lips
    Those wonderful lips
    I wish were on mine
    Thats' an alternate reality
    A fantasy
    That usually doesn't come true
    Unless it works
    The other way around
    And I make the first move
    Say I need to talk to you
    Take you somewhere
    Where we are alone
    And kiss you
    Waiting for a reply to come. . .




    Submitted on 2005-02-27 10:50:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think this is good. I can relate to it. As i'm sure many others can relate to it also. It made me get in more of a better mood than i am in right now. I like how the title fits the poem. This reminds me of all the times I wanted to have a boyfriend, but he liked another girl or else he already had a girlfriend. I think you should try to make it flow a little bit better. Other than that i thought it was really good. I hope to read more of your writings, because you don't write that often anymore.
    Mikki :]
    | Posted on 2005-02-27 00:00:00 | by MiKkI25 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this. fantasy is 80% where a persons mind always seems to wonder. Wouldn't be nice for them to come true?
    I thought you did good with expressing your emotion in this. Longing. There seems to be a minor error that I noticed, after every line, it seems to end with a thought, but there are no periods. Get what I'm saying/ Other than that. Good job. Imagery and word choice were great.

    Broken
    | Posted on 2005-02-27 00:00:00 | by Broken heart dies | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, being a teen does have it pleasure and it was a pleasure for me to read this innocnet and not so innocent fantasy.

    good write
    | Posted on 2005-02-27 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok I got differant messages from this. Did you kiss Victor?????? I know its fantasy.. But you said that you were gonna talk to him.. My brother said you called.. But I couldn't call you back. Cause Im ground but i snuck on this. Did things work out with you too.
    I liked this a lot. Amy welcome back. When I was reading this. i was definatly feeling you and Victor.. He caressing your hair and everything. Im surprised I wasn't thinking of myself on this one with Matt.
    What a shocker..
    Tell me how things turn oout.

    Lyl's
    ttyls
    stephanie
    GOOD LUCK
    Im so exited for you
    If anything happened. Or the news.. ANything of this topic will get me going,.. haha
    | Posted on 2005-02-27 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]


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