wow..i liked this a lot...its tragic and empty for me..i loved the ending to death, it was so blunt and it just ended this poem off very nicely...just another love that has long passed and dissapeared...
"Wishing you would shed that hateful smile and return the dreams that you've stolen."
I loved these lines..i guess because i could relate..i hate it when people steal my dreams!..lol..yea but love is a very beautiful feeling..yet it can turn on you and bite you back...so anyhows i loved this piece..you have a lot of talent friend..keep up the great work!! --Lucy--
This is beautiful and tragic at the same time. It seems to border on the relaying of another mundane love affair that has gone stale but you portray it ever so eloquently and save it from becoming just another poem about love gone bad. I particularly enjoyed the ending and the lines: "Your status 'uninvited' as before." wraps it up neatly for me. Great write!
Yes. The last two lines tie it off neatly. Your writing is succinct and crisp. You are at your best when you are skipping like a stone across the water . . . an image here . . . a ripple there, when taken as a whole, the effect shows a craft few here possess. Yes, I know I'm gushing again, but I can't help it. Don't let them water you down with literalisms and ideas about "how you can make this better" because your voice is already stronger than the majority of "poets" out there. Most haven't a clue. Still, one good thing is it made you go back and see what you could do to improve this piece (which, did need something, it was lacking your usual zing). So, they got it right this time . . . and the end result is, don't mess with it, it's fini!