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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Pictured Paindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: TDALBH
    Elite Ratio:    4.82 - 63/57/15
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 834
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 644



    Description:
       This I wrote a long time ago, but ti fits me perfectly right now.....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPictured Paindots
    -------------------------------------------


    Crying tears
    For all to see
    The pictured pain
    Inside of me

    Cold deception
    Open for discussion
    A painful light
    Blinding me

    Crying tears
    For you to see
    Crying, Dying
    For Your love
    This pictured pain
    Inside of me

    Cold deception
    Lying naked on the floor
    For you to see
    Your eyes a painful light
    Blinding me

    Crying tears
    Of cold deception
    You this light
    So blinding me
    This pictured pain
    Inside of me
    A masterpiece
    Carved by you and me




    Submitted on 2005-02-27 19:40:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      the simplicity of this poem made the meaning raw and apperant. It made me feel olonley, and made me want to run up and embrace you in a hug.
    Peple can be so cruel, telling you lies but making them truths, its hard I know, But hang in there
    I feel that this could be an excellent peice if oyou went back and revised it adding meafores, and allowingthe reader to pull the emotions out themselves, add more discriptions and comparisiomns and it will be an amazing peice.
    thanks for the post
    much love
    kaity
    | Posted on 2005-03-01 00:00:00 | by Kaitylizzy | [ Reply to This ]
      this was a very simple poem with much of repetition. i loved the idea of making it so simple, so people would get the point. it was very fluent and though it was as simple as it was, you could still get the emotions of it.
    i was feeling kind of full with emotions when i started reading the poem, but towards the end it was kind of sucked out of me, and in the end i sat here with no feelings at all. and that's a pretty awesome feeling!

    the last line was beautiful, i could see something beeing carved of wood; though it didn't have the shape of human, it still told you everything that needed to be told. yes, i like this one. good work
    | Posted on 2005-03-06 00:00:00 | by _taateli_ | [ Reply to This ]


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