Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "PORNOGRAPHY AND TRADGEDY"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 326
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 1186
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1874



    Description:
       *************************
    SOME CONTENT MIGHT NOT BE
    SUITABLE FOR THOSE WHO
    DON'T LIKE ANAL OR ARE ANAL
    ******************************

    tHIS IS AN ABSOLUTE OF THE TOP
    OF MY SPINNING HEAD PIECE.
    ANY SUGESTIONS WILL BE GREATLY
    APPRECIATED, tHANKS. ~l.T


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"PORNOGRAPHY AND TRADGEDY"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Right from the start.
    Each and every part,
    even Ron Jeremy said
    "kid you're gonna go far"
    Don Wadsanobi.
    Thats what they called me.
    Everyone from Hustler, Penthouse
    Swank and Cheri.
    After a short while,
    Sex was my lifestyle.

    The glitz and glam
    I was up to my neck in it.
    I didn't just want some,
    I wanted all of it.
    Sex parties in our spare time.
    I was doing chicks that kids,
    pretend to do in their mind.
    One year I got best actor
    and best anal scene.
    The entire Adult Industry
    stood and applauded for me.
    Was there something I missed?
    What was wrong with this.

    Everything started to take it's toll.
    Quickly I had gotten old.
    I felt it.
    I couldn't sell it.
    No more could I keep up
    with the kid next to me.
    And when I coldn't keep it up
    they fired me.
    I was outed so fast.
    It would have made a 5.oo hooker laugh.

    I threw myself at the knees of drugs.
    heroine, cocaine, acid, all at once.
    I didn't leave my house for 36 days.
    And for each day I thought of 36 more ways
    I could make all this go away.

    Then one day my doctor called
    as he does reguraly.
    This time he said
    I didn't get so lucky.
    My dick was very sick,
    and if I didn't get out when I did,
    Pornography
    would have killed me.
    My life was full of sex and girls.
    I probobly fucked half this world.
    I had a talent and I got paid.
    Now I'm just another ex-pornstar
    on a torn stuck together page.....

    L A M E M A N S T E R M S




    Submitted on 2005-02-28 00:33:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a really nice piece (no pun intended). It feels more... and realize I mean no disrespect when I use this term... grown up than some of your other work. I pretty much enjoy everything you've done, but this seems like it is the start of a new level... great job.
    | Posted on 2005-04-01 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]
      First of all, I have to applaud the idea behind this piece...genius. Next, there were a couple of things that were gramatically incorrect or I just thought could have been a little bit better. For starters, "I was doing chicks that kids, pretend to do in their mind." There should be no comma there. "One year I got best actor and best anal scene." I thought that 'and' wasn't emphasized enough so maybe if it was in italics or all capitals it would be better. "What was wrong with this." needs a question mark. "No more could I keep up with the kid next to me. And when I coldn't keep it up they fired me." this did not flow as well as it could have. And finally, I thought that "I had a talent and I got paid.
    Now I'm just another ex-pornstar on a torn stuck together page..." should have been broken up a bit more to make it flow better.

    Now for the things I loved...
    "It would have made a 5.oo hooker laugh." this made ME laugh."I didn't leave my house for 36 days. And for each day I thought of 36 more ways I could make all this go away." brilliance.

    Overall, this was a very good writing. Although I began reading this with some doubts about its clarity and maturity, I believe that with this was well worth the read. Keep it up.

    xox stef
    | Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by stefanie mae | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice write Lt! I saw this...especially the title, and didn't know what to think. But you did it!

    Really really nice write. I think the rambling was just enough to give me the feeling of what you were trying to say. The rhyming was pretty consistent and made it fun to read. This is such a refreshingly original poem.

    Although, I think the transition from being a famous pornstar to being old and sitting in your house happened within one line, that could be a little smoother.

    Over all, nice write!

    -Brooke
    | Posted on 2005-02-28 00:00:00 | by Quiet Clamor | [ Reply to This ]
      Very interesting dear, I love the last line the best. I was drawn in by your title. Had to read it. Anything with 'Pornography' in the title...I'm there. This gave me a chuckle for the day and I wasn't expecting it to be so smooth because of the unconventional content, but I was pleasantly surprised. Hey, glad you're gonna use my LameMans term too. Have a good one- Magnolia
    | Posted on 2005-02-28 00:00:00 | by Magnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      Awesome job dude. I know so many people who do actually stick pages together, it's so funny. For some reason, I actually liked it. Weird, hunh? Porn is such an underused topic that it's easy to create something original. What mroe can I say???
    ~Jess
    | Posted on 2005-03-01 00:00:00 | by shmuzzelle | [ Reply to This ]
      This could have been inspired from Boogie Nights, no?

    I think that this piece could be applied to any kind of fame. You arrive on the scene and everybody loves a new face and new talent, however one day you will get old and the flame dies as a new one is lit. All you're left with is the memory of how good it all used to be....
    ~Musing
    | Posted on 2005-03-02 00:00:00 | by MusingMinstrel | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    48539

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry