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    dots Submission Name: fallendots

    Author: brokenbatman
    Elite Ratio:    2.99 - 475/233/44
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1135
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 698

       rough draft all help will be considered

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    climbed a tree with a saw
    there is work to be done
    storms coming with the wind
    tree looms over my house
    sits dangerously close
    trimming away the weak
    done now climb the way down
    foot slips hand loses hold
    my world flips round and round
    just don't land on the saw
    then a strange light appeared
    straight above my aching head
    gasping for my next breath
    pain focused on this light
    eyes burning fill with tears
    brain loses all the clouds
    thoughts become very clear
    why not just use a gun
    to hurt yourself that way
    in my dazed confusion
    was staring at the sun

    Submitted on 2004-03-30 13:21:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hi batman, how's the back?
    i really liked this line -
    "brain loses all the clouds
    thoughts become very clear"
    because i get so confused and muddled on reading the next! i don't get the gun part...where does that fit in?? otherwise, this is a great rough draft!
    | Posted on 2004-03-30 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]

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