Description: I spent along time messing around with this and moving parts about trying to make my ideas fit. I even left it for a couple of months and came back to it. It's much better than it was but I just want to see if you can still make an improvements on it. I like the irregular rhythm at the end though because it helps the poem end. this poem is about a special moment with a loved one, telling each other secrets, and it brought us closer together.
the poem for the most part was good. The only thing I noticed is that disformed should be distorted and en-twined should be entwined. That is all I would change. Good write, I am glad to see you spend so much time on perfecting your words. Rubi
I think this was pretty good for a work in progress. Just a little confused about the last line and what it means(probably just me though), but other than that I think it flows well despite the non-rhyming of it. Good job
umm this is good expecially since you have stated that it isnt finished.. i like the time and emotion spent on this write.. it takes truly dedicated writers to get anywhere.. but anyways back to the poem... the only thing i find wrong with this write is the last sentence..."on the velvet skin on the teller..."maybe is should be... on the velvet skin of a teller... i think the use of your words such as "on" are uused to much... anyways keep working on it RandiKae
eek wow. I like this... very good. I like the second stanza the best. I feel like you need to add some more to it though.. it ends rather abruptly.. leaving me wanting a better type of closure.. or more detail. Just a thoguht.. I like it though.. i think it's brilliant. Brooke
Submission Name: untold
