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    dots Submission Name: look in these eyesdots

    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 278
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 695
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1636

       very depressed

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotslook in these eyesdots

    You look in his eyes
    you know he wants to die.
    But he wants to say bye
    so he writes this letter

    "I can't take it anymore
    the cutting isn't enough
    this knife is has to be enough
    I had enough
    so this is my farewell to the world I hates so much"

    You look into his eyes
    you know he wants to die.

    While he write this letter
    He starts to cry
    so for today he knows he going to die.

    You look into his eyes
    you know he wants to die.

    He denies to his friends that he wants to die
    but deep in side he knows wants to die.

    You look into his eyes
    you know he wants to die.

    He thinks maybe sometime after I die
    sometime some one will cry
    and realize the pain that he had hidden from the world.

    You look into his eyes
    you know he wants to die.

    He finished the letter
    he cries and he has sense of happiness
    because now he knows hes going to die.

    He stands there
    a front of a mirror
    wondering how he couldn't make this clear
    It's a quiet night
    so he grabs the knife
    The knife slices his wrist
    like a knife going through the heart
    He drops down cold
    He is found on the floor
    This boy is now cold
    he now out of breath.
    They try there best
    but now he lays there and rests

    you look into his eyes
    and we realize the pain is gone

    Submitted on 2005-02-28 13:30:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This poem really gives me the impression you had pretty strong feelings while writing it. However, I didn't care for the ryhmes, they were just too simple for my liking. Overall, pretty good poem. If I were you I just wouldn't have used a ryhme scheme, might have made it a little easier to get the feeling out rather than limit your feelings.
    | Posted on 2005-02-28 00:00:00 | by buffduff | [ Reply to This ]
    This made me cry, maybe because I myself feel the same way much of the time. Your poem was beautiful. You expressed your emotions very, very well.
    | Posted on 2005-02-28 00:00:00 | by Laveina | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this has such strong feeling, i think you would be a good song writer! i was pretty good! ummm...way to go! and i realy dont know what else to say, but this pop-up keeps telling me "dont just compliment!" well have a super day!
    | Posted on 2005-02-28 00:00:00 | by catie jo | [ Reply to This ]
      ahhhh. I really couldn't dig it. Depressing, self pitying drivel really, but i'm guilty of the same sort of thing. it's in dire need of spellcheck and i didn't like the simplistic rhyming either.
    | Posted on 2005-03-01 00:00:00 | by Voodoo_Lounge | [ Reply to This ]

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