Lonely Bullet by Ace

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Submission Name: Lonely Bullet dots

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Author:	Ace
ASL Info:	17/m/In Hell
Elite Ratio:	4.1 - 305/337/56
Words:	140

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	313
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	859

Description:
hmm thats it.

Lonely Bullet dots

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Death is to arise
After a life that sunk
Being deprived in thought
Just lost in your mind
The day once lived
Is gone forever
The bullet you lust for
So out of reach
Something holds you back
As the bullet taunts you
Im your friend
Ill take the pain away
Hence there is something more
A someone
A person, you see
Offering a better end
To your false reality
You give in to a lively mode
The bullet
So alone, so dull
No need for it
For my head is full
Full of the heavens
My person in the ocean
To the depths of my mind
So the bullet there
All alone and done
It Being the worst
The worst friend for me.

End
What if it never does?

Submitted on 2005-02-28 18:09:46 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I read this through twice. At first i thought that the bullent represented a postive change and longing for the bullet was like longing for this change to come about (The bullet you lust for/So out of reach) Than towards the end the attitude towards this "bullet" kinda changes. It becomes something undesired (The bullet/So alone, so dull/No need for it).

This poem, in my opinon, speaks of a period all of us go through countless times in our lives. Those moments where life seems so dull or so weighed down with negativity that we just wish we could escape it somehow. Some even go as far as to contemplate death, yet for some reason I never viewed this "bullet" as being a literal symbol of suicide. Nor did I view "Death" mention in the first line as literal but rather a symboy representing change - ya know, like "out with the old, in with the new".

I like how at the end you express self-confidence and a sense of being cotent and proud with the person you are (For my head is full/Full of the heavens /My person in the ocean/
To the depths of my mind) . No need for change becuase I'm in complete control and like like what i'm doing with the mind and the life I've got. Ya know, real positive. You really turned the whole attitude of the poem around.

Nice one Ace

New Fav, witout a doubt.

Spoken

P.S> Let me know if my interpratation comes close to what you where going for with this piece.
| Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by spoken | [ Reply to This ]
  I like how you end all of these things. With end and something following it. It gives a finality but then the question you ask makes the reader stop and actually think. Retain. The fact that you have that own little thing after your poems is genius.

~BCute
| Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this alot and I think that you wrote it really well...

My favorite part was,

The bullet
So alone, so dull
No need for it

This is a part that I could relate to...the indecision of suicide I think...maybe I am wrong...but this was awesome and I look for more.
Peace
Jazmine
| Posted on 2005-05-06 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
  First off, you're not alone so don't even think it. I'm always here. Second, I love it. No friendly gestures I really love it. Great job.

::hugs with luvs and kisses::
Blessed Be!
| Posted on 2005-02-28 00:00:00 | by Sarah Leger | [ Reply to This ]
  hmmm... a scary and interesting piece. i really liked the words you chose 'false reality', 'death is to arise', etc. they give off more emotion that any others i could think of.
i feel very hopeless when reading this, you did a good job portraying that, but yet you hold back. there must be a reason, there always is. hmmm... makes me wonder.
-wildchild
| Posted on 2005-02-28 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]
  it confused the hell out of me. i mean, it had some good imagery in there, but it just really confused me. it seemed like you were consulting a friend, then it turned to suicide, then it turned to general sadness...it was just a weird rollercoaster. and as for the bullet...i never really grasped what it was. literal bullet? metaphor of suicide? Something else? with some revisions in regards to breaking it up some and clearing up some things this could be pretty good.
| Posted on 2005-02-28 00:00:00 | by brokenroses | [ Reply to This ]
  i agree. your ideas are sporadic and you are holding back. let loose and but make sure everything flows smoothly. other than that you have a good raw idea here to work with.
| Posted on 2005-02-28 00:00:00 | by narcolepsy | [ Reply to This ]
  well, i love the idea you have created. i am not sure of how you put it onto paper though. it seems out there, to much skipping around. as far as the holding back thing, always is a reason, sometimes we just choose to push it so deep we forget what it is. i don't know, i'll read it a few more times and try and make more sense. otherwise i like this**

;)
| Posted on 2005-03-01 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]

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