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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: -------it is now----------dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Forgiven
    ASL Info:    27/F/Fl
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 305/260/57
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 322
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 625



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots -------it is now----------dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I had not known

    The trueness of your eyes
    The fullness of you lies
    And how tight became the ties....

    I didn’t want to recall

    How this came to be
    And that it’s all blamed on me,
    Leaving a feeling of jealousy

    And now here it stands

    The problem in its whole
    Waiving with its pull
    Showing all my soul

    And this is where it stands

    I will be alone
    Not to mope and groan
    To live this life that’s been shown

    And this will be forever..................




    Submitted on 2005-03-01 09:53:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this very much. You've covered a lot of ground in a very short space. The form you used really accentuates the feeling of the poem.
    The first strophe catches your attention nicely and sets up the rest of the poem. Very good job. I look forward to reading more of your work.
    Carol
    | Posted on 2005-03-01 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this format. I completely love how you descibed you feelings... I agree it does cover a lot of feelings. I mean in this little poem.. Sometimes it sucks.. getting hurt.. Going throught terrible things...
    Good Job.
    stephanie
    | Posted on 2005-03-01 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
      Incredible formatting. I love how you were specific and not specific at the same time leaving the reader to write in their own experience as it relates to the piece. Good write. You make me proud to be a Floridian...

    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
    | Posted on 2005-03-01 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ]
      WoW! Girl...great! How much more can I say. The feelings and emotions are way too overwhelming! The pain it brought, yet the strength it provided at the same time. Just reading it made me feel as though it is possible to let go. As hard as it sounds.

    Awesome!

    Alicia

    *walking over to Brown's page yelling*

    YO BROWN! COME READ THIS! YOOHOO!

    *looks back at you* I'll get her to come over!
    | Posted on 2005-03-01 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      i had to add this to my favorites because it really... to put it cheesily, it touched me. i love the first 2 phrases the best of the whole thing...
    I had not known

    The trueness of your eyes
    The fullness of you lies
    And how tight became the ties...

    I didn’t want to recall

    How this came to be
    And that it’s all blamed on me,
    Leaving a feeling of jealousy

    keep it up!
    | Posted on 2005-03-01 00:00:00 | by Dollface | [ Reply to This ]
      i had not known

    that i should have been reading your stuff sooner. i like this poem cuz of the deep emotions in it. heart brokenness produces some of the most beautiful poems, sad but true. the format you wrote this poem in is impressive and works well with the ryhm. i love all the lines but 2 of them.

    13 And this is where it stands

    16 To live this life that’s been shown

    sorry i dont usauly pic so much and i am not saying these lines are crap.. but they can be brushed up. errr i am gonna read a few more from your work because i owe you some reads. take care. =-)
    | Posted on 2005-03-02 00:00:00 | by snacky fish | [ Reply to This ]
      I generally dislike rhyming poem,because too many of them seem so force, in your case it didn't have that feel at all,bravo

    Though it was short, the message bang out loud clearly, another good sign of an excellent write
    | Posted on 2005-03-03 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      I almost sung this ...for real ....Its beautiful ...but it has a lyrical feel to it and i think it would be an awesome song too ....I love the "and this will be forever" at the end too ...it just capped it all off so nicely ...I wouldnt change a thing ...
    Blessed Be
    | Posted on 2005-03-03 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]



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