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    dots Submission Name: FIELDSdots

    Author: jermwerm
    ASL Info:    26/m/FRESNO CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.29 - 203/268/83
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 879
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 347


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    She lights my hope.
    She holds in sight my heart, my soul.
    Her kiss to me is beyond the summer ocean breeze.
    Her hair I miss, wind blows so free.
    Those lips so soft, so safe.
    She opens arms so warm.
    I feel so close to heart.
    I cry out in fields of pain.
    I pray for her.
    I love her so.

    Submitted on 2005-03-02 06:30:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i like this one. it is like calling her. or yearning for this girl. i like the way you used your words. very informative on your feelings and the way you jus plain out feel for her. i like it. you spelled beyond wrong in first could lines down i think? not a big deal though. i got what u were trying to say. nice write buddie! by the way where have u been?
    | Posted on 2005-03-26 00:00:00 | by PookiezBookie | [ Reply to This ]
      It's very direct. I definitely get the message, but maybe it could have a little more dimension, you know, to let the reader kind of have their own interpretation of the poem. It's not too hard to add dimension: maybe use different metaphors, or have contrasting ideas about this person. I mean, I can see that she is important to you, but what does that mean? How does that affect you/her/the world? It's up to you...
    | Posted on 2005-03-02 00:00:00 | by WolfStar | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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