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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tale of the Unborndots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Chicool2
    ASL Info:    17/f/Pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 266/260/60
    Words: 456
    Class/Type: Story/Serious
    Total Views: 1645
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2407



    Description:
       I saw an article in the Catholic Light about Abortion, so something told me to write aboout it. PLease raed through it, it's actually very good. I hope you enjoy, but I'm sorry, it's never happened to me, because I have never had sex.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTale of the Unborndots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dear Unborn,

    I'm sorry I can't give you a name because I just didn't want you. I felt as though you would all too much to deal with. Paying for diapers, child support.. I don't have the time or the money. Sometimes I thougtht to myself while I was holding another woman's child. I used to think how cute they were and they gurgled and how you would be my precious child, but then I realzied staying up all night, comepleting my homework. I probably wouldnt get to continue and go to college and finish law school. But I guess my world crumbled a little too quickly, so I'll explain to you how it all began...

    I had met your father in my church group, (how ironic). He was unlike anyone I had ever met. Our eyes connected and it was love, or at least I and him thought it was. We started dating, and the next thing you knew, we were talking about making our love stronger by making love. Later that night, I ended up with my body open, ready to take someone else's into it. It was so deep, full of emotion. His body was like a drug, and neither I nor him could turn it off. Our bodies were connected, forever joined. My eyes all over him, moans escaping from every breath. In perfect unison, the bed was rocking as if I were taking you, my unborn child, and rocking you to sleep. It wasn't a hard rock, but a steady beat. So sweet, and romantic. A candle's silouhette dancing next to us. It was unlike anything I had ever known, but as though, he was my first, which turned out to make you. But every night, for a long time, that whole room would be watching our moves. It was a puzzle, pushing to form one. I think your grandmother, or his mother heard us in there, but I'm not sure. She will never know the truth because I got rid of you. ..

    Not after that did I know that in a dream you came to me, and told me you were going to make a difference in the world. I was ashamed of my own greed. Longing for no commitment, and here I have commmitted a sin. Murder most call it. Then, I called it, ' a mistake.' I didn't want you to ruin my life, so I ruined yours instead. But now, today, after I go back to realize I am pregnant again, I won't kill your brother, for yur father and I have married and all my plans were succeeded, but everyday, I think back about the tale of my unborn child.




    Submitted on 2005-03-02 19:53:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Indeed you should be very proud of this story; seeing as you yourself have never found yourself in that particular situation. Speaking from personal (very personal) experience, I can tell you that you captured the feeling beautifully. It is sad, and it may not always be right, but it's a way of life. Anyone who say's other wise has never been in those shoes, and they have no room to speak. You have an enormous talent, darling. Tap into it and see where it leads you. Very well done. (If you want a more inside glance at what it is to be in those shoes, look at my poem "Womanhood") Be well.
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by nebnim | [ Reply to This ]
      This story is the best I have ever read on this issue,it was honest in the mind of a teenager and some adults. Bravo for bring in the sensual aspect of it,that was risky,but that what makes great writers,bravo

    Its not murder,its not right, especially if one was raped, A young teen have the hardest times,because it so new to them,whereas 32 year old woman know better,even then I can't call it murder,but I can't call it right either. So like I was taught, don't do things without thinking and most of the time things will work out.

    You should be so proud of this story.

    I am going to add this to my fav,it worthy of that. I am afraid other pass up on this because it more than 29 words, what an awesome write they are missing.
    | Posted on 2005-03-02 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      *tear*

    I guess our conversations are taking a toll on you. I guess I imagined myself in that situation and its quite provoking. Now I understand its a letter and not what I expected it to be, a nice touch. I'm not sure what to say, but wow. I think its perfect.
    | Posted on 2005-03-02 00:00:00 | by Paconess1006 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow... This is such a powerful piece. I cried. Man, its just about got me speechless. I'd have to say that my favorite part would be
    "Later that night, I ended up with my body open, ready to take someone else's into it. It was so deep, full of emotion. His body was like a drug, and neither I nor him could turn it off. Our bodies were connected, forever joined. My eyes all over him, moans escaping from every breath. In perfect unison, the bed was rocking as if I were taking you, my unborn child, and rocking you to sleep. "

    I know that feeling... it spoke to my heart. And the part about the rock of the bed rocking the unborn baby to sleep... that was pure genius. I am honestly blown away.
    | Posted on 2005-03-02 00:00:00 | by LadyInRed88 | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought it was pretty good....Its a controversial topic ..so chances are people will judge it on the meaning ...People who are in agreement will possibly add it to faves and stuff...So im going to try and be completely biased (which is hard) ...
    This whole write help alot of images ..which is a good thing...It can be quite difficult to put images in someones head ...So i commend you on it ...I also think that at such a young age and to be thinking about big issues is wonderful ...
    Even after you admitted to really not having a personal idea on any of this ...not having experienced any of it ...
    The only thing that stuck in my mind was the "I did nt want to ruin your life" ...I have worked with alot of girls who were making this decision ...And 90% of them are doing it because they dont want to ruin the childs life....Like i said its hard to be biased....Plus ...Ive had an abortion :) ...So For someone to make judgement without being there....*sigh*
    Sorry ...Back to the actual write...Like i said ...It was a good write ...I did enjoy reading it from a poetic/artistic point of view ..and i really commend you thinking outside of boyfriends and bestfriends stabbing you in the back ...
    Well done
    Blessed Be
    | Posted on 2005-03-02 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
      hey this is pretty good. I mean it's a very controvesial topic. When I read it I felt so sad and depressed, I mean I began to think of all those mohters who have gotten rid of their unborn children, I mean u never know what that child could have done for you. I felt the connection especially with the part where you say that you have learnt from your previous mistake. We have to learnt that.

    You are very good at descibing things though. The sex scence was writen pretty well, like edthpoet said, it's pure genius.

    Though you weren't very specific on how you world has already crumbled down.

    I wouldn't like to change anything though, coz this was very good. Nice write, keep writing
    | Posted on 2005-03-02 00:00:00 | by Writer Chic | [ Reply to This ]
      "Murder most call it. Then, I called it, ' a mistake.' I didn't want you to ruin my life, so I ruined yours instead."

    i like this line.

    it was founded by honesty quite well. to me it sounded more soulful despite the message that it tried to convey.

    when you think about all those abortions... all those life sacks ignored and severed... the "what-could-have-been's" just won't stop. for all we know, somebody could have already ended the life of some humanitarian-to-be, guevarra-to-be or savior-to-be. the "to-be's" are frightening... but, i don't think it offers a license to kill... not really.

    just a point...

    i think yur (3rd paragraph) should be your... unless that was done for some personal reason.

    anyway...

    good piece.

    keep writing.
    | Posted on 2005-03-03 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      Abortion is Murder, there is no other way to define it... we are a selfish people, it is so sad that life is snuffed out because it is viewed as a mere inconvenience, we were each an inconvenience to our parents once too.
    | Posted on 2005-03-03 00:00:00 | by Al | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved it. It was really sad though. I think it is the best thing you wrote so far. I mean I really can't belive you wrote something like this. I mean not that your stupid, but it never happened to you. For you to write something as good as this, you must have a lot of great talent inside of you. I always knew you had it in you. Abortion is so sad...how can someone murder their own child...well like you said there is usaually regret. I didn't see anything wrong with it. My opinion it is perfect. Yay i can finally add one of your writes to my favs' i'm so excited. WEll I can't wait to read your next one.
    talk to ya later.
    mikki
    | Posted on 2005-03-04 00:00:00 | by MiKkI25 | [ Reply to This ]
      What I consider to be the worst thing about abortion is that a life could be terminated for such a cheap fee. Abortion is the cheapest form of assasination; most people can afford it.
    | Posted on 2005-03-05 00:00:00 | by smily | [ Reply to This ]


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