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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mahogany and Amberdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rokhal
    ASL Info:    21, f, USA NW
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 85/71/18
    Words: 160
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1372
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1169



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMahogany and Amberdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Red rivers and still drops
    Preferred to straw-silk tears
    Of black curds wrapped
    In paper folds of hide.

    Deep shades on sunlit glass,
    Or point-prick spotted tile;
    Not warmed on stone,
    To soak the lichen crust

    Or shells enshelled in leaves
    Hard lacquer, spine-rimmed bowls
    Blown sun-scent dust
    Or stiffened rabbit bones.

    I helped my father cut the scurs
    The twin knobs, wrinkle-sheathed
    Or malsprung twins: irregular
    On its white head.

    The goat was duct-taped by each hoof,
    Eyes rolled in, nostrils flared
    As I pressed down; the sawsall whirred
    Split horn from bone.

    And touched my wrist.
    My fingers saved the blood,
    No, clutched, or cramped like misers;
    Sealed the break before I pried them off.

    I watch curds weep in summer air
    And brush the peritoneum
    With coated fingers, quivering steel
    The loosened bowels fall;
    Anticipate the loppers’ snap
    And tear the head to free
    Mahogany and amber for the heat.




    Submitted on 2005-03-03 00:10:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I see you've rewritten this. I'm commenting on this one because I think it's a little more clear than the redo. The sequence of events is better delineated in this version.

    That's not always a good thing, though, as I do think the second write has that air of mystery and the possibility of something deeper being relayed that is so attractive in these type of works.

    They are both vey well-written and each offer different details and images that are all at once both stomach-turning and captivatingly original.

    drowning_queen
    | Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by drowning_queen | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow...
    Everything was shrouded in wonderful descriptions. The emotions of it were strong and I must agree the best stanza is
    " The goat was duct-taped by each hoof,
    Eyes rolled in, nostrils flared
    As I pressed down; the sawsall whirred
    Split horn from bone."
    Very original.
    | Posted on 2005-05-02 00:00:00 | by Tekin_Kashami | [ Reply to This ]
      well.. i like the way this is written... but.. i dont really understand all of it...

    "red rivers and still drops" made me think of blood immediately... i dont quite know what "black curds" are... but, it seems like some sort of farm type thing going on... wrapping the black curds within the skin of the animal...

    the next two stanzas seem kind of abstract... and my mind cant think in metaphors right now, so.. i cant even try to decipher any hidden meaning there...

    for some reason when you mention the stone in the second stanza, it makes me think of animal sacrifices.. i dont know why... i didnt get that from anywhere else in this write...

    so...the goat has funny looking horns? father and child cut them off??

    "The goat was duct-taped by each hoof,
    Eyes rolled in, nostrils flared
    As I pressed down; the sawsall whirred
    Split horn from bone."

    i like this stanza the best.. it gave me a good image of the goat... and let me feel it's fear..

    and then describing pulling the horns off.. ewww...

    i dotn understand the mahogany and amber reference... i think i'm missing something here... i'm a little slow sometimes... where does the wood come in?? a reference to killing animals for stuff.. killing trees for heat?? i dont know..

    as i said though.. this is written well.. i wish i knew what was going on here... i'd appreciate it if you'd explain a little maybe? then i might be able to come back and give some advice on it...
    | Posted on 2005-03-04 00:00:00 | by besodemuerte | [ Reply to This ]


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