Will You? by sweet-fire

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Submission Name: Will You? dots

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Author:	sweet-fire
ASL Info:	21/f/ky
Elite Ratio:	3.8 - 296/279/42
Words:	89

Class/Type:	Poetry/Dark
Total Views:	331
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	611

Description:
this is... what happens when you mix a little rage with hurt. um the point is kind of obvious...i dont know what to say...

Will You? dots

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Will you cry
when im gone?
Still think
that im wrong?

Will you even
feel bad,
About the friend
that you had?

Will you miss me
at all?
Scream and hit
the wall?

Will you wish
i were here?
Or even
shed a tear?

Will you want
me around,
When you
hit the ground?

Will you grieve
for me long?
Or say its where
i belong?

Will you hate
me then?
Or be sorry for
what coulda been?

Submitted on 2005-03-03 10:46:21 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  i feel that this is something that is in the mind of someone with suicidal thoughts. to me this is more of a suicidal gesture that may have a plan behind. good job. the reality that a lot of people go through in dealing with friends or people that they thought were their friend
erin
| Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by devonsmom03 | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm sorry to say that I didn't really get drawn into this peice. It seemed too over cliché. To me it appealed only as another teen poem. You really need to stretch to be unique nowadays and I don't think you stretched far enough.
I think that every line could have been made better. I'm sorry if I seem to be bashing this poem I just know you could do so much better than this.
PEACE.
| Posted on 2005-05-07 00:00:00 | by ConScribe | [ Reply to This ]
  uhm...cant really say much about this...but you promised you wouldnt do anything...so dont be so hastey in you conclusions of things...What else to say...I want you around, dont think that, if thats what you're thinking...

->Dark
| Posted on 2005-03-03 00:00:00 | by drk_angl_17 | [ Reply to This ]
  i like the meaning behind the poem but some of the rhyme scheme takes away from that for me. i've been in this place and know it by heart so to speak... some of the rhymes feel forced. some parts haulted where i hoped it would flow. let me give you an example: "Will you wish
i were here?
Or even
shed a tear?"
here and tear are obvious rhymes. it could mean more if you picked a less obvious rhyme word. now of course i'm sitting here telling you what i don't like but not really offering much in the way of advice. sorry about that. good luck with this piece, if you decide to change it at all.
| Posted on 2005-03-03 00:00:00 | by painfullyme | [ Reply to This ]

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