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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: L.S.D.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jermwerm
    ASL Info:    26/m/FRESNO CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.29 - 203/268/83
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Deep Thought/
    Total Views: 1383
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 545



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsL.S.D.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Poke out my eyes,
    call me mad.
    Bleed out my brain,
    call me mad.

    Take my soul into your world,
    so I can bring yours into mine.
    Show to me the fears you hide,
    so I can posses your dreams and mind.
    I can be the evil one,
    obscureding fantasy.
    I am the chosen one,
    the fear that you can't see.
    Tell me about whats in your soul,
    so somewhere I can start.
    To poke out your eyes and bleed your brain,
    and feast upon your heart.




    Submitted on 2005-03-03 11:14:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      wow. drug thoughts are all over the place in your world huh? lsd. hummmph. where do i start. not a lecture, no. im done with those. more a critique on your piece actually. stick to the point this time. i think you might appreciate that every once in a while. not quite getting it though. i mean i understand what you said easy and i get that part. i just dont get what that has to do with the LSD. does that make you feel like that? think like that? make you see that you are doing that to someone? or is it about yourself? i mean c'mon. im going crazy here trying to figure this out. let me know whats up. adioz.
    | Posted on 2005-03-26 00:00:00 | by PookiezBookie | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm going to try to pretend you weren't talking about drugs. Now that I'm past that...niceeee job! Everything flowed wonderfully and I considered the wording to be on the skilled side of things on this website.

    "Poke out my eyes,
    call me mad.
    Bleed out my brain,
    call me mad."

    I didn't expect you to use "call me mad" twice, I expected something like "call me sad" or "call me bad". It kind of caught me off guard.

    Nice thoughts and a good bit of poetry. Yummy, and keep writing jermwerm!

    -LucyDiamond
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]
      Well...
    The torture described here is clearly symbolic ( i hope) and you do paint a very bloody, horror movie picture. This almost reads like the lyrics to some Slipknot or Coal Chamber song (are you a musician?).

    Sound like you want this other person to open up their soul to you and reveal inner most fears to you and thoughts, which could be a good thing, but then you give this dark, evil twist. Like perhaps once this perons does open up and reveal this things to you, you take advantave of these weaknesses to minipulate her mind and heart and their by her actions, ( i assume this is a women). I get that conclusion from the last four lines.

    Then again this also could read like a conversation between two people. Like the first stanza is you talking to, like some kinda drug, and the second stanza is the drug telling you what all it's gonna feel like once it takes control of your mind. Screwing with your thoughts and messing with your head. Bringing out all your fears and making you parinoid. Like a really bad trip may have inspired this one. Maybe that's why you called it LSD.

    "take my soul into your world/ so i can bring you into mine"

    Like the drug is saying, "Put me in your system so i can take your system over"

    Theirs just more than one way to look at this which is, in my mind, what good poetry does.

    Spoken
    | Posted on 2005-03-03 00:00:00 | by spoken | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought that was great maybe a little overboard on the poke out your eyes /bleed your brain thing but [censored] who hasn't wanted to do that every single day right? [lol] anyway I liked it and I can tell you as I do get in moods and some are better than others and it reflects in your writing ytremendously, pretty good job~ BTW thats not about LSD at all right? thats just a metaphor to looking inside at the hate ?L.t
    | Posted on 2005-03-04 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]


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