Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

ONCE UPON A LIE


Author: xtremegentleman
ASL Info:    22/m/FL
Elite Ratio:    3.57 - 595 /778 /82
Words: 242
Class/Type: Poetry /Legend
Total Views: 1632
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1481



Description:


A fairy tale version of my experience on Elite. Take it as you will. Bash it! Hell, I've been criticized before. But I will always ask the question:


"How Can You Hate Me"


ONCE UPON A LIE



Once upon a time in a town called Life
There was an extreme gentleman who loved to write
No picture, just the words brought stereotypes
And everyone who read his work assumed that he was white

Then one day he decided that he should show his face
After that much of his fans slowly drifted away
Never thought that his career would be affected by race
But it was so he quickly sought a new fan base

He found a family instead. He was happy again
The handsome fellow even found himself a couple of friends
So he wrote for his company, the people he loved
And it seemed that Life's people just couldn't get enough

But some of them started criticizing the words that he worte
Observed his literature and laughed as if he were a joke
And he went home each night with his pen in his hand
Wondering why the people just did not understand

So the gentleman was angry! He wrote and he cursed
Started writing, didn't think, poetry unrehearsed
But the end result was sick! His pen needed no nurse
And once again everyone started loving his work

And this extreme gentleman went on to write many books
He prepared readers their meals but he never did cook
And he was known throughtout Life as one that amazed
And when he died "How Can You Hate Me" was etched in his grave




Submitted on 2005-03-03 13:28:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  I know that a lot of people here support you and feel like the woman did wrong, but I feel like this is a lot of commotion about a past deed. Sure, she hurt you and bashed your work, but sometimes that happens. It'll happen more and more as your work gets out there. Not everyone is going to love it. Now that I've got that out, I think that this is a very good poem. The message was quite clear and the anger toward the particular person seems to fuel your creative fire. My favorite line has to be the last one, though. It is very much like a sucker punch into the stumach, enforcing the message of the poem.

Great job, thanks for sharing your amazing talent with us and I hope you have an awsome day!

~AshNight~
| Posted on 2006-09-18 00:00:00 | by AshNight | [ Reply to This ]
  The poem has a nice flow and a good rhythm to it. However, the rhyme isn't uniform - it has no regular style or pattern. You also might want to edit for spelling errors: I believe "worte" should be "wrote". Overall, good write - very lucid and hits the nail on the head. Also it has such a hilarious "title".
| Posted on 2005-03-03 00:00:00 | by smily | [ Reply to This ]
  a few tweaks might be needed to make it more uniform in the rhyme.. either stick with it, or don't....
was your expereince here really like that??? I posted look to the past as one of my first poems and it was accpeted well.. I hope that u don't look at thinkgs through a glass tinted with racism and questioning how ppl take you because of your picture.....
| Posted on 2005-03-03 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]
  I actually could care less if you were a dog typing your good poetry, Though I do realize, i live in a world where people can be so stupid and judge someone by their color. I will say this, that line is actually fading, however it still hurt today,if your the person who is being wrong. I can only say this, always take the high spiritual way,never become them,nor justify them being right,when they are totally wrong.

I poem message was loud and clear, though it did go all over, but I am wise enough to always look for the message first.
| Posted on 2005-03-03 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
  Yeah i like this ...Im sorry if people have been like that on here...Sometimes you have to remember that people are alot more opinionated and open mouthed then they would be face to face....because quite honestly ...they can hide behind their screen ...I think you are a good writer ...You could be purple
for all i care...Anyhoo ...Blessed Be ....
| Posted on 2005-03-03 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
  This was a very good write. I've already read your previous response to the person who slammed you. I must say, I was quite angry at her and felt if she had those thoughts, she should have been mature enough to PM you even though she was totally wrong in her thinking. As far as this poem goes, I thought it was done very well. I especially liked the fifth strophe. It was like saying you were better then that and didnt need to justify your writing.
I also read your poem that she bashed. I found it really cute and enjoyed reading it. Just keep on going and do what you do. As far as I'm concerned, your a fine young man and an extreme gentleman.
Carol
| Posted on 2005-03-03 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
  OMG! YOU ARE BLACK??? AND A GUY????

Geeze, I could think of worse things to be...like racist, judgemental, greedy, or mental, a liar, or a thief, Heck...Even being my ex is worse. (evil grin)

This was a real good poem, I am proud that you didnt let a few doo-doo heads stop you from writing.
I will not commit to being a fan, but I will say I am a friend and I , for one, like you just the way you are (That doesnt MAKE me a fan ...does it?)
XOXO
RJ
| Posted on 2005-03-03 00:00:00 | by RJCHANDLER | [ Reply to This ]
  Regardless of the fact that she explained to you just what she meant by the comment and that IT WAS NOT RACIST and ironically she was actually trying to say that all women BLACK, WHITE, PURPLE AND BLUE, THIN, FAT, SHORT HAIRED, LONG HAIRED or NO HAIR AT ALL should be treated with the same respect you are still allowing people on the site to believe that she was racist and that she was being ignorant...I thought you left this in yesterday? It was not a personal attack it was her social reality she was pointing out...
| Posted on 2005-03-03 00:00:00 | by rytrsbloc | [ Reply to This ]
  Ok, rytrsbloc, seriously, where do you get off coming at X like that? African Skin can and has spoken for herself so I don't think you need to be running to her rescue. Situation is in the past, get over it.

X, you never cease to amaze me. I love it, of course. And forget about them haters, you know you're good. Or Elite. Whatever. "Erase the haters and under estimaters". Do you!
| Posted on 2005-03-05 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



48996