The Danger of Lucid Dreaming -------------------------------------------
She became so skilled at lucid dreaming
that she lost control of her waking fantasies
for the mind compensates for such manipulation.
Now the surreal invaded her open eyes:
a vision of Jesus bleeding diamonds
crumbled and blew away like autumn leaves
that materialized as a mass of giant butterflies.
And when the skin curtains lowered,
she was sitting behind a desk
or washing dishes.
She wanted to put the drama
back in its proper place,
but she'd damaged her soul,
and it exercised independently of her mind
a have alway been intrested in lucid dreaming...when i sleep i can do it...but i dont sleep more than a few minutes any more...and i have found this a lot this people who can lucid dreams...the control starts to scare you...
any way..there is very good images in here...nothing i have ever dreamed...but still this is a good write.
Wow, my typical response to most poetry is, "I don't know poetry, but I know's what I likes." I likes this. This piece is very well written. It conveyed the message on the first read, but like the intricate designs on a dollar bill, fleshed out the detail upon further review. The imagery and feelings were very smoothly crafted, and I enjoyed the pace and flow. Although, I've glowed so far, there are still some issues, in my opinion (which truly means little). The ending was sufficient, but I would've liked less direct explanation, and more imagery as you so craftily did earlier in the work. I also wonder at what the final interpretation should be, not that that's a bad thing, I'm just not fully clear on her true state of mind. Albeit, this could have been your purpose. Overall, i was impressed with this piece, and look forward to reading more of your material. His Assholiness -
I am not certain that I love this poem. I can say that I admire what you are saying, I just get lost in the overwhelming vocabulary of this piece. I know that sometimes it is the only way to speak the feeling, but there are times, when something so much more simple will move more mountains. It is my humble opinion that you give this one a mirror and try to simplify.
Yah! You posted this! *And the other one too, I'm really happy now!* Your use of vocabulary and ability to make a piece flow without punctuations is amazing. I honestly don't have the talent to make a piece flow without commas. You do it everytime though! I love it. This piece is really captivating. The idea of getting lost in day dreaming while in the waking state is awesome. The flow from what she was day-dreaming about and what she was really doing was good. You told us in a not obvious way which is something else that I have trouble with. Everytime I read your pieces I gain more insight on how to word or present the reader with information. It's a learning experience for me to read your pieces. Really great job. You captivated me from the very first line to the very last. *Which by the way the last line is great because it shows that old habits die hard* ;) Huggles! Great job. -blt
It's written in quite a thick manner, with long narrative phrases throughout the first part. There's some really sophisticated imagery and structure techniques in there as well, I find. These get very dense in the middle of the poem:
'A vision of Jesus bleeding diamonds Crumbled and blew away like autumn leaves That materialized as a mass of giant butterflies And when the skin curtains lowered She was sitting behind a desk'
What I mean is, it's very layered with meanings and psychology and it takes several reads to process it as a whole; it obviously has alot of depth. I also liked the fade out effect; from these lines one you seem to filter things out up to the last line which is quite depressive; no matter what she does, the visions/dreams/schizophrenia won't go away.
When I read this I thought of the madness of mundane life. The way it suddenly switches from the bleeding jesus to washing the dishes stood out as the most vivid part. I feel that maybe some other word along the line of "mind" would be better than soul. When I think of what affects the soul I think of what affects the heart (eg burning desire,lamentation, lonliness, etc). Damage seems more of a clinical or corporeal word for minds and bodies. I was interested fromthe beginning and felt that it endeda bit abruptly.Maybe you didn't want to give any more clues ...
Your words and images are amazing. And clash between dream and reality is also amazing ( in a terrifying way). The touch of reality made this poem so unpredictable, and so real. That's what i liked the most.
WHOA! So much cool stuff in here, and very related to my screenplay...isn't that ironic?
Love "skin curtains" for eyelids.
I often use washing dishes as the epitome of reality.
It's funny how a creepy dream can linger into reality. Can't tell you how many times I've had a bad dream about something my wife did and then woke up with an attitude towards her, sometimes all day long. Good stuff.
I'm sorry I missed this one, wow, it's kind of scarry to think that we design our universe (which we do) by our thoughts. the image of Jesus is very powerful but my mind said "crying diamonds" because it fits, I think. This is representative of being lost, anyway, I like it either way, very poignant. Having struggled with a lucid mind and how it can pull curiosity into strange places, I value this as sort of warning. thanks for sharing, Amy. Great job!
This poem is very compelling in thought, a savory mix of fantasy, parapsychology, psychology and the real and illusory worlds.When this lady actually sleeps,(with the skin curtains closed) she is dreaming of her mundane real-life tasks, and when she is awake, her reality is in fact illusions formed in her subconscious mind.It's an interesting thought, that leads wandering minds like mine through a maze where every corridor ends in a rippling pool . I simply dive in the pool to surface in another corridor of thought, and the pyranahs don't bother me because I know they're not real.
The fantastic dream imagery of JC , bleeding diamonds, then crumbling apart and resurfacing as butterflies-reminds me of a video clip, though I can't recall which one (periodically I leave the TV on one of the music video channels for 2-3 days, 'til I have seen them all . So many of them are like lucid dreams, and can jump start the imagination.-)It seems those 4 lines could almost stand alone as a funky poem. There is life,death, spiritual, physical and the transcedence symbolism of the butterflies and it all seems to make sense somehow, despite the superficial surreal appearance.You bring up age -old questions about reality, illusion, and the nature of the mind and dreams. We do really create our reality, and what some people perceive as madness, will seem genius to others, if only in a different time. I simply love poems of this nature, I just get lost in them for days .
"Skin curtains" was a great Amy Cobb touch, and reminded me of something my grandson said when I was staying at my daughter's house last fall. They have a new home with lots of windows in the living room, covered with roman-blinds. When I raised them so the kids could check out the new fallen snow, he squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them several times, then laughed and said that the blinds were like the windows' eyelids. I felt you must have got that from one of his or my lucid dreams, lol.
Thanks for submitting, this , I will be back to read it again, but it is time for me to try some dreaming tonight, lucid or otherwise. Sally
I really like the visualsyou give here.you take your reader by the hand and lead him/her into a fantasy world that's pretty overwhelming. I especially liked that part about the giant butterflies. I love butterflies... anyway I'm not so happy about the ending. it ends rather quickly and simple. I would like you to leave out the last line and show that instead of telling. maybe something like
and the butterflies, one by one sit down on her bed
but that's up to you. just a little something that came to my mind now. besides the ending a really, really good poem. well done.