[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: I Shall Take Care of Youdots

    Author: melancholymaid
    ASL Info:    24/female/Tennessee
    Elite Ratio:    3.64 - 112/136/34
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 912
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 777

       Well, I couldn't think of a title, so........The reason there are quotations is because I meant it to be spoken by a man to the one he would die for..........I could change it, but that's the way I started it, so I will leave it. I'll give it a temporary title, so give me advice on titles, please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Shall Take Care of Youdots

    "How exquisite you are!
    Your tragedy is of immeasureable pleasure,
    and I cannot recall any image other than your face:
    the mournful eyes, perfect nose, and pouting scarlet lips.................

    Won't you reach me with those chilly hands?
    Come with me and never again will your eyes turn empty when you gaze out the window.
    Never again shall you be without arms to envelop your trembling body.......
    Never again shall your tears fall onto the floor, for I will drink them and take them into my body as my own sorrow.

    O you are so very weary!
    Let me take you with me into my place of comfort.
    I will wrap you in wine-colored sheets
    and you will sweat out your sickness."

    Submitted on 2005-03-04 09:37:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Jumbly Bumbly.

    Love the concept, I do.
    But I hate the delivery.

    Its like a pretty painting used for the latest paper towel design.
    I'd rather you serve me up your love on a dinner plate...or with a blowjob.
    Forgive me, I'm bitter.
    My feet are freezing.
    But this isn't one of your better writes.
    Of course its sweet, and if ever assigned a true recipiant, its surely to be cherished.
    But it falls through the cracks that separate poetry and prose, lending no hand with which to follow.

    | Posted on 2005-05-05 00:00:00 | by MyX | [ Reply to This ]
      Ahhh, here it is again, the intermingled sweet with the sour . . . I can't quite figure out the mix, not yet. I've heard of ppl who derive pleasure from pain, but pain from pleasure is a new one on me! :) In case what I mean is unclear, let me give an example or three:

    "Your tragedy is of immeasureable pleasure,"


    "Won't you reach me with those chilly hands?"

    and even,

    "Let me take you with me into my place of comfort.
    I will wrap you in wine-colored sheets
    and you will sweat out your sickness."

    Interesting blend, Sam. I don't think I've ever come across anything quite like it.
    | Posted on 2005-04-16 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
      Awww... I love this, Sam! This is a classic! Very nice work, love. As far as title suggestions, the only thing I could come up with would be "Maiden Malady" or something of that nature. Once again, a great piece. Hope to hear more from you!

    Bijou (aka Brad's dream lover lmao!)
    | Posted on 2005-04-02 00:00:00 | by Bijou de Mort | [ Reply to This ]
      No one commented? whoa! absolutely amazing to me. I understand it. You really must love them. It reminds me of an older Evanescence song. Really good. I like it. Its dark, but beautiful. A title? lets see... Sweat the Sickness? or how about Sorrowed Dark Lady? Just a thought.
    | Posted on 2005-03-15 00:00:00 | by thesacredone | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]