Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Shall Take Care of Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: melancholymaid
    ASL Info:    24/female/Tennessee
    Elite Ratio:    3.64 - 112/136/34
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 888
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 777



    Description:
       Well, I couldn't think of a title, so........The reason there are quotations is because I meant it to be spoken by a man to the one he would die for..........I could change it, but that's the way I started it, so I will leave it. I'll give it a temporary title, so give me advice on titles, please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Samantha


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Shall Take Care of Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    "How exquisite you are!
    Your tragedy is of immeasureable pleasure,
    and I cannot recall any image other than your face:
    the mournful eyes, perfect nose, and pouting scarlet lips.................

    Won't you reach me with those chilly hands?
    Come with me and never again will your eyes turn empty when you gaze out the window.
    Never again shall you be without arms to envelop your trembling body.......
    Never again shall your tears fall onto the floor, for I will drink them and take them into my body as my own sorrow.

    O you are so very weary!
    Let me take you with me into my place of comfort.
    I will wrap you in wine-colored sheets
    and you will sweat out your sickness."




    Submitted on 2005-03-04 09:37:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Jumbly Bumbly.

    Love the concept, I do.
    But I hate the delivery.

    Its like a pretty painting used for the latest paper towel design.
    I'd rather you serve me up your love on a dinner plate...or with a blowjob.
    Forgive me, I'm bitter.
    My feet are freezing.
    But this isn't one of your better writes.
    Of course its sweet, and if ever assigned a true recipiant, its surely to be cherished.
    But it falls through the cracks that separate poetry and prose, lending no hand with which to follow.

    MyX
    | Posted on 2005-05-05 00:00:00 | by MyX | [ Reply to This ]
      Ahhh, here it is again, the intermingled sweet with the sour . . . I can't quite figure out the mix, not yet. I've heard of ppl who derive pleasure from pain, but pain from pleasure is a new one on me! :) In case what I mean is unclear, let me give an example or three:

    "Your tragedy is of immeasureable pleasure,"

    and

    "Won't you reach me with those chilly hands?"

    and even,

    "Let me take you with me into my place of comfort.
    I will wrap you in wine-colored sheets
    and you will sweat out your sickness."

    Interesting blend, Sam. I don't think I've ever come across anything quite like it.
    | Posted on 2005-04-16 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
      Awww... I love this, Sam! This is a classic! Very nice work, love. As far as title suggestions, the only thing I could come up with would be "Maiden Malady" or something of that nature. Once again, a great piece. Hope to hear more from you!

    Bijou (aka Brad's dream lover lmao!)
    | Posted on 2005-04-02 00:00:00 | by Bijou de Mort | [ Reply to This ]
      No one commented? whoa! absolutely amazing to me. I understand it. You really must love them. It reminds me of an older Evanescence song. Really good. I like it. Its dark, but beautiful. A title? lets see... Sweat the Sickness? or how about Sorrowed Dark Lady? Just a thought.
    | Posted on 2005-03-15 00:00:00 | by thesacredone | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    49113

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Summer of Peaches written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Phoenetians and Us written by Torie
    Eyes written by homeless
    Fizzy Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    X written by homeless
    Chapter written by Crestfallenman
    No More Damn Love Poems written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Forgetting You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wisp of You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Tidal written by OneDarkFlame92
    Sleeping Giant written by MyPeriodical
    One Time Is Good written by Daniel Barlow
    Buried written by MyPeriodical
    Ardent written by saartha
    Variety written by saartha
    Exult written by saartha
    Shading written by saartha
    Untitled 2 written by homeless
    Un Lugar Para Siempre written by SavedDragon
    Untitled - September 19, 2017 written by homeless
    'Cause You're Mine, I Walk the Line. written by Torie
    Untitled - May 14, 2017 written by homeless
    Hazy Half-Moon written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Starry night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Moon and Me written by rev.jpfadeproof
    More written by homeless
    April 1, 2018 written by homeless
    Rough written by saartha
    Chèvrefeuille written by rev.jpfadeproof
    trish trillion written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry