Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: disturbedx1000
ASL Info:    28/m/ny
Elite Ratio:    3.67 - 204 /326 /124
Words: 222
Class/Type: Poetry /Fuck it all
Total Views: 1446
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1411


i had a request to post this again so i shall


I welcome you to a world of deception,
welcome to a place where nothing is real,
fear is just an illusion of the mind,
death is a conclusion to a book,
life is a game nobody can win,
sense is a pulse of electricity in wires,

I welcome you to a place were there is no "GOD",
welcome to a place were there is no "heaven" or "hell",
"hell" is an oven were children are torched,
"heaven" is a cemetery where the dead sleep,
Satin" is the evil corrupted piece of everyone,
"GOD" is an excuse people use to hide fear,

I welcome you to a world were nothing is perfect,
welcome to a place were things are not what they seem,
a black man is not equal to whites due to racist bastards,
a child is never right compared to the words of adults,
the handicapped can't do everything one could do,
the government do not enforce the laws on everyone,

Now you've out done your welcome,
welcome to your life and the unfairness you must face,
you will not be real in the eyes of the government,
you will not be perfect in the eyes of your peers,
you will not go to "heaven" or "hell" when you die,

Submitted on 2005-03-04 11:27:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Very good, thoughts of today's world and its twisted ways. I like the way you state that there is no god or satan, heaven or hell.
| Posted on 2005-03-15 00:00:00 | by diabolicmaggot | [ Reply to This ]
  hey this was was a very good poem that is attacking the current situation in the world and the government. People do not even fear God anymore. I really like how you first talk about heaven and hell and then the contemporary issues. However, try to spell check the poem. Nothing big issue here but I can feel your stand.
| Posted on 2005-03-04 00:00:00 | by sjayant | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree with the previous commentor. Good choice of topic and something I'm sure that many people could understand. There are a couple spelling mistakes, but other than that I didn't see anything wrong with the piece. Good work.
| Posted on 2005-03-04 00:00:00 | by Delirium | [ Reply to This ]
  who cares about spelling mistakes?! the poem is the point and i thought it made a very good one at that. you really wrote exactly what i've always tried to and i loved it your good. it's the dead truth nothing is what it seems and well you know what i'm saying you wrote the poem

| Posted on 2005-03-04 00:00:00 | by misty_of_moon | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?