Description: I had to play around with this one until i realized that i liked it better the way it was before i edited- and re-edited, another resubmit after takign it to the drawing board a couple of times.
This may be a better lyric....you tell me.
Also a little help on the title would be appreciated.
I met her with eyes
driven by my passion
for the treasure she hides
between her thighs.
I followed her form.........
body driven like the perfect picture one molds
in dreams at night
She made me smile
and think outloud
about how much I'd give
to melt myself
right in her soft swallow
But my lust stained her worth
She met me alone
and bled before me certain parts of her soul
once closed and unexposed
She spoke of her triumphs
and repressed memories.....
My God, she's human,
I didn't know
because my lust stained her worth
Here I go once more.
Driven by want
reaching for the perfect reason to crawl from my hole
Because she makes me smile
and think outloud
how much i'd give to
fill her cavities with
sweet solace
But will my lust stain this birth?
I'll never know if I dont' try.
But should I try?
Should I even try for what she's worth?
I wish I wrote like you. None the less it was well written. I sympathize with the girl because "you" do not value her for who she is and instead see only but a beautiful woman with slim curves and nothing else. Like "you" said in one of the lines that you did not know she was "human" because you see her as a sex object. God. It reminds me of one of my novel's characters.
Stay away from this girl and tell her to keep her legs closed. Although your descriptions of your want and lust are beautiful and I would love to have them be describing myself, I don't feel that there is enough evidence of you knowing this girl well enough to be feeling these things about her. So my advice is to wait until you know her better or to just [censored] her brains out and then leave her because it's safer that way. Whoa, I sound like a jealous [censored] in this comment but whatever. Write poems about me instead and forget this slut. ;) Hit me back nigga. ;)
Submission Name: Stained Birth
