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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Weirddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: elephantasia
    ASL Info:    37/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 398/490/159
    Words: 80
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 646
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 630



    Description:
       Out it came tis weird!!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWeirddots
    -------------------------------------------


    "You're just plain weird", he said,
    with his one glass eye blindly staring.
    Nothing sexy about the glint in that eye
    Just the reflection of another dreary day.

    "You're just plain weird", he said,
    false teeth talking backwards,
    Chewing on his lolling tongue,
    His cheeks parting, having a gas.

    "You're just plain weird", he said,
    hair parted severely in the middle,
    Eyebrows plucked into oblivion.
    "You're just plain weird", he said to the mirror.







    Submitted on 2005-03-04 19:08:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, this was really good, I like how you did it from a different person's point of view rather than your own! Yea, that is pretty weird if a guy plucks his eyebrows. Keep using your talent! Haha! -Stephie
    | Posted on 2005-03-04 00:00:00 | by country_poet247 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good... its nice how at the beguining the reader thinks its to some ex, or something like that... It was very clear, and original. Everything was solid and to the point... The repetition was a good aid in making it clear that the guy is WEIRD
    | Posted on 2005-03-04 00:00:00 | by Pelon | [ Reply to This ]
      this is goood...at first its like a freak is rejecting you and then hes rejecting himself and its a complete change of the readers heart. good job.
    | Posted on 2005-03-04 00:00:00 | by broken_dreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      Ahaha, i really loved this! I so wasn't expecting the whole mirror thing. That was truly an awesome twist. You definitely have talent, keep it up!
    | Posted on 2005-03-04 00:00:00 | by Elegy | [ Reply to This ]
      This is funny, but with it would make a lot more sense if he only had ONE glass eyes. Then he could see himself at least. The description of the fart is pretty funny. I prefer it that a man plucks BETWEEN his brows that than having a unibrow. I don't like the repetition of "he." It's unnecessary. You also have a lot of grammar errors. "Youre just plain weird, he said,/He, with his two glass eyes staring." You need the apostrophe in you're. The comma after weird should be a semicolon. I won't go on, but you need to proofread this.
    | Posted on 2005-03-06 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]


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