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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Memoriesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PookiezBookie
    ASL Info:    16/f/az
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 103/129/49
    Words: 48
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1241
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 430



    Description:
       I wonder what this whole thing was about...Humm?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMemoriesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Painful memories,
    of distant days,
    Sorrowful engagements,
    of endless rays,
    Timeful deaths,
    and surprising births,
    Rotating planets,
    with shifting Earths,
    A ganglia of nerves,
    build up thoughts like rust,
    lives of fairytales,
    tragedies of lust,
    contrasting titles,
    a misery of woes,
    childhood memories,
    of friends and of foes.




    Submitted on 2005-03-04 20:59:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Honestly, I don't get it. But the wording was beautiful, the rhyming was natural, and the flow was nice. Structurely, it's great, but again, I don't see a story, or a feeling, or even a thought, other than memories. Maybe that's all you were going for.
    | Posted on 2005-03-13 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      Your pic is so...mysterious..

    I liked the diction in this piece and it would have moved along quite well...but there were alot of unnecessary commas that disrupted the movement. Hey...not so bad if punctuation is my only gripe! The piece, correctly, should read like this:

    Painful memories
    of distant days,
    Sorrowful engagements
    of endless rays,
    Timeful deaths
    and surprising births,
    Rotating planets
    with shifting Earths,
    A ganglia of nerves
    build up thoughts like rust,
    lives of fairytales,
    tragedies of lust,
    contrasting titles,
    a misery of woes,
    childhood memories,
    of friends and of foes.



    All in all though, not too shabby

    -Kristina
    | Posted on 2005-03-11 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]
      just readin this poem again cause i like it so much, so what up on the book thing? im gonna have to create my own web page with all my art and lwritting so you can log on to it and we can put something togeather. maybee an art or drawing by each poem that reflects the writting it's by in paintings or art. and eachothers thoughts and feelings about eachers poems and our own. I dont know just an idea i guess. I gotta go get pizza now (for the second time)! so I'll talk to ya later.
    | Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by jermwerm | [ Reply to This ]
      Good poem, look over it again to check out some typogrpahical errors that you made. Good thought process and sense of rythym, even though the idea of your poem has been touched upon before. (But what ideas HAVENT been touched upon before? Not to many) I liked your smart choice of vocabulary. I also liked the feeling of this poem because you went from the general sense of memories to the specifics of a persons own life.
    I dont know what you exactly meant by "lived of fairytales". Think about changing your title to something a bit more intriguing, because SO MANY freakin' poems have been named that before. Make the title something more gripping so that more people check this well made poem out!
    Also, just to think about, you only used one verb in this whole poem. Good job anyhow...
    Peace out,
    J.C. Prescott
    | Posted on 2005-03-05 00:00:00 | by jcpdandalice | [ Reply to This ]
      real good, I loved it. But than again you knew i would. the ryming is perfect and the meanning is deep. i was hopeing you had some new stuff tonight. ya you know, to my favs again.
    | Posted on 2005-03-06 00:00:00 | by jermwerm | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not one to really talk badly of a persons poem since all a poem is is a persons inner feelings and thoughts. But, the poem didn't really have a meanning to me, it was like you took a bunch of words and threw them together. But I'm not all that inciteful so I really wouldn't know, though it might help people like me out a little better if you gave an explanation of some kind for us to look at and feed off of. You bassically just threw me into battle with a blind fold on.

    Send me an explanation and I'll read it again
    Ghost Child
    | Posted on 2005-03-06 00:00:00 | by Ghost Child | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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