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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: After You're Gonedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: loveispain
    ASL Info:    23/f/ME
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 283/198/51
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Misc/Love
    Total Views: 640
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 924



    Description:
       Just missing somebody...again~


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAfter You're Gonedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Don't forget
    The touch of me
    The sun will set
    After you're gone, here I'll be.

    I'll wait for you,
    Till I am weak
    All we've been through,
    You're love I seek

    I will cry
    Till there are no more tears
    My cheeks are wet, but I will try
    To be yours, years after years

    Alone in the dark
    Not even a sound
    In my heart, here a mark,
    That keeps our souls forever bound.

    Seconds pass like days
    I'm counting every beat
    We'll be together always,
    Our love this won't defeat.

    The pain is real
    No one knows
    All that I feel
    It never shows

    Here you're not
    Open my eyes in waking dawn
    We've clawed and fought
    None of it matters, after you're gone.




    Submitted on 2005-03-04 21:05:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well... im still debating whether i like this or not, some of the rhyming is so pretty and flows so wonderfully together and in other places its just hard to follow and sort of choppy. I think you could definetely do better with the last stanza in revising it possibly.
    On a brighter note the places i found the poem rhyming to be awesome and very heartfilled was
    "I'll wait for you,
    Till I am weak
    All we've been through,
    You're love I seek"

    This in itself could be a piece or a statment i guess, i just like the way it sounds and fits together, its very pretty. Nice work on this piece only a few places saw that were a little rough. Ciao for now, amber
    | Posted on 2006-04-02 00:00:00 | by amber_in_wyomin | [ Reply to This ]
      i know how you feel.. sad but true...i liked this poem it made me think of someoen ive been missing thanks pal. just kidding its a good write because everyone can relate to at least one thing you said in this.
    | Posted on 2005-03-04 00:00:00 | by broken_dreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, i usually don't even read 'love poems' but they title intrigued me and i'm definitely glad i checked it out. it was amazing, even if you've never been in arelationship boyfriend/girlfriend, everyone can relate to this. Good work!
    | Posted on 2005-03-04 00:00:00 | by Elegy | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked how you stayed with one idea and carried it to the end. The title was a great one. It really sounded like the person this was written to was loved a lot.
    | Posted on 2005-03-04 00:00:00 | by AFireInside01 | [ Reply to This ]
      great piece, dude and just want to say well done for that lovely poem u wrote...i'm at the moment finding myself dying in the ocean of love...
    | Posted on 2005-03-05 00:00:00 | by ceteure1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! You really understand the power of words. I know what your talking about too. I know that sounded cliché too. You've got a lot of talent and I hope you keep writing things like this one.
    ~Sephe~
    | Posted on 2005-03-05 00:00:00 | by Persephone | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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