Ei, this is very very violent... dont you think? The good thing is that there is a lot of emotion in it! I can almost feel it! Because of the honesty and the words you used... Any reader of this will feel the emotion that the writer is trying to show or feeling... pretty good write! try using your talent on expressing emotions to deeper poetry with the use of images, metaphors... and stuff like that. I'm really sure that it will be very very successful!!! im sure! bye now! take care!
A little bit too violent for my liking. Definite emotion in there, but I feel like it's more of a rant than a good poem. Reading that makes me wonder if you, specifically, could actually write something with that amount emotion without writing it in first person. I challenge you to try. And if you do decide to try that, then please feel free to let me know. (And yes, it is doable, because I've written about some pretty violent things NOT in first person.)
I thought it was a good poem, lol, I like how you kind of stuttered in the beginning that kind of made me feel that you were mad and serious. All in all, You've got true talent, so use it to the fullest and don't ever forget that!