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    dots Submission Name: Payback #3dots

    Author: C. Flava
    ASL Info:    19/M/ILLINOIS
    Elite Ratio:    4.75 - 87/117/28
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/I hate you
    Total Views: 903
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 640

       I'm trying to top My other payback poems. Tell me what you think. 1 love

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPayback #3dots

    I hate I hate you so much
    I wish you would die for your unloyalty and trust
    All my mans told me you were a slut
    But I would say "Fuck ya'll and pass me the blunt"

    You think after all these years I would've learned
    From fucking stupid bitches and getting burned
    But YOU YOU! out of all people I really trust
    Gave everything even my exspensive Dutch

    But fuck it I just give up
    Cause all i keep doing is looking like a punk
    So i'm going to end this like I end everything
    With my trusty knife and watch you screaming.

    Submitted on 2005-03-05 02:02:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Ei, this is very very violent... dont you think? The good thing is that there is a lot of emotion in it! I can almost feel it! Because of the honesty and the words you used... Any reader of this will feel the emotion that the writer is trying to show or feeling... pretty good write! try using your talent on expressing emotions to deeper poetry with the use of images, metaphors... and stuff like that. I'm really sure that it will be very very successful!!! im sure! bye now! take care!
    | Posted on 2005-04-16 00:00:00 | by del1rium | [ Reply to This ]
      A little bit too violent for my liking. Definite emotion in there, but I feel like it's more of a rant than a good poem. Reading that makes me wonder if you, specifically, could actually write something with that amount emotion without writing it in first person. I challenge you to try. And if you do decide to try that, then please feel free to let me know. (And yes, it is doable, because I've written about some pretty violent things NOT in first person.)
    | Posted on 2005-03-05 00:00:00 | by zyllion | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought it was a good poem, lol, I like how you kind of stuttered in the beginning that kind of made me feel that you were mad and serious. All in all, You've got true talent, so use it to the fullest and don't ever forget that!
    | Posted on 2005-03-05 00:00:00 | by country_poet247 | [ Reply to This ]

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