Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Referred Paindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: greensnake
    ASL Info:    60/female/ N.C.
    Elite Ratio:    4.17 - 770/691/75
    Words: 14
    Class/Type: Haiku/Serious
    Total Views: 1335
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 81



    Description:
       In medicine there is a phenomenon known as referred pain in which injury to one part of the body is felt as pain in another part of the body.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsReferred Paindots
    -------------------------------------------


    Half a world away
    The pain you feel pierces me
    Like a hungry blade.




    Submitted on 2005-03-05 17:40:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      These 5-7-5 syllables fall sleekly of my tongue
    and sounds so beautiful. The sentiment of this senryu ejects so much "pain". The imagery fueled by "pierce" and "hungry blade" demonstrates your creativity.
    | Posted on 2005-03-23 00:00:00 | by ladyngold | [ Reply to This ]
      Bravo this was an excellent Senyru, from the title to the end it jumped off the page with power and depth.

    What made it work great to me,was you built up the flow just right, making sure the end was the rocket.
    | Posted on 2005-03-18 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      the technical definitions of haiku that others have offered here do not detract from this intense piece of writing. for a fact i have experienced the physical pain in one part of my body when i was injured in another... however interpreting this another way ... i have just returned from a funeral. he was such a funny man and had done an inordinate amount of good in the world / all over the world, and we were all recalling some of his awful jokes and hilarious times we had in true stoic british stiff upper lip fashion. when it came to say goodbye however, one woman could not contain her grief. i cannot blot out the sounds that rose from within her. it was as if she was possessed by a wild animal in unbearable pain. and though i had buried my grief under an avalanche of humorous anecdotes, this woman managed to excavate it in a millioneth of a second. whether this is what you intended or not, i have taken your words to my heart today Lynn for they have managed to explain quite beautifully,exactly how i feel right now. j
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by Alter idem | [ Reply to This ]
      boy, could i relate to thist one, and i think you know why... being so connected to someone that you can feel her pain in your own body miles and miles away is a strange phenomenon, but i've been there... i would agree, though, that a haiku traditionally is supposed to be about nature, but, you know what? i don't care!! this cuts to the core for me about what it is like to love someone so deeply that you can feel her pain. well done, i say.
    | Posted on 2005-03-05 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I guess all violence in the world is ultimately fracticidal. We don't really know how we are connected and disconnected. Hungry blade sounds pretty gruesome ... I hope it is nothing worse than the temporal pains of Spring fever ...
    | Posted on 2005-03-06 00:00:00 | by kanu | [ Reply to This ]
      This is great Lynne, although I would call it a Senyru, (which is a haiku that reflects on human nature and thought rather than seasons and Nature)." A hungry blade" is an interesting image, personifying the knife by giving it the sense of of hunger and need.The hunger aspect suggests to me a deep wound,-more akin to a wild and hungry animal tearing deep in a feeding frenzy. This takes more than Bactine and Band-aids doesn't it?
    Good One
    Silver
    | Posted on 2005-03-06 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey I thought this was a neat haiku.. i thought
    like a hungry blade... I think that is so powerful.. How did you come up with it..? Very unique.. But I thought haikus are about human nature.. But who cares about this.. Its very original..
    Good jOb
    hope to see more of you writings.
    I really enjoy reading themm..

    Half a world away
    The pain you feel pierces me
    Like a hungry blade.


    Much love to ya,
    stephanie
    | Posted on 2005-03-06 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
      The fact that you explained to us what the term "Referred Pain" meant in the medical field really gave this piece more emphasis. I think anyway. Often times people say that they can feel when a loved one is in pain. Even if they are a half a world away. I really love the short simply idea you brought to such a wide spread feeling. And the whole two meaning thing to "Referred Pain" worked good. I really enjoyed it. Great job!
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-03-05 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree with everybody, the hugry blade image is the most profound. the depth of the personaification (hate to get technical) is almost hyperbole. its a figurative language nut's dream come tru. i liked the "practical" application of the referred pain concpet. nice thinkin. all in all,. a very good piece.~nahlij
    | Posted on 2005-03-06 00:00:00 | by Aknahlij_d 1 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    49268

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Push written by JanePlane
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    To written by SavedDragon
    Giving written by jjd
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry