These 5-7-5 syllables fall sleekly of my tongue and sounds so beautiful. The sentiment of this senryu ejects so much "pain". The imagery fueled by "pierce" and "hungry blade" demonstrates your creativity.
the technical definitions of haiku that others have offered here do not detract from this intense piece of writing. for a fact i have experienced the physical pain in one part of my body when i was injured in another... however interpreting this another way ... i have just returned from a funeral. he was such a funny man and had done an inordinate amount of good in the world / all over the world, and we were all recalling some of his awful jokes and hilarious times we had in true stoic british stiff upper lip fashion. when it came to say goodbye however, one woman could not contain her grief. i cannot blot out the sounds that rose from within her. it was as if she was possessed by a wild animal in unbearable pain. and though i had buried my grief under an avalanche of humorous anecdotes, this woman managed to excavate it in a millioneth of a second. whether this is what you intended or not, i have taken your words to my heart today Lynn for they have managed to explain quite beautifully,exactly how i feel right now. j
boy, could i relate to thist one, and i think you know why... being so connected to someone that you can feel her pain in your own body miles and miles away is a strange phenomenon, but i've been there... i would agree, though, that a haiku traditionally is supposed to be about nature, but, you know what? i don't care!! this cuts to the core for me about what it is like to love someone so deeply that you can feel her pain. well done, i say.
I guess all violence in the world is ultimately fracticidal. We don't really know how we are connected and disconnected. Hungry blade sounds pretty gruesome ... I hope it is nothing worse than the temporal pains of Spring fever ...
This is great Lynne, although I would call it a Senyru, (which is a haiku that reflects on human nature and thought rather than seasons and Nature)." A hungry blade" is an interesting image, personifying the knife by giving it the sense of of hunger and need.The hunger aspect suggests to me a deep wound,-more akin to a wild and hungry animal tearing deep in a feeding frenzy. This takes more than Bactine and Band-aids doesn't it? Good One Silver
Hey I thought this was a neat haiku.. i thought like a hungry blade... I think that is so powerful.. How did you come up with it..? Very unique.. But I thought haikus are about human nature.. But who cares about this.. Its very original.. Good jOb hope to see more of you writings. I really enjoy reading themm..
Half a world away The pain you feel pierces me Like a hungry blade.
The fact that you explained to us what the term "Referred Pain" meant in the medical field really gave this piece more emphasis. I think anyway. Often times people say that they can feel when a loved one is in pain. Even if they are a half a world away. I really love the short simply idea you brought to such a wide spread feeling. And the whole two meaning thing to "Referred Pain" worked good. I really enjoyed it. Great job! -blt
i agree with everybody, the hugry blade image is the most profound. the depth of the personaification (hate to get technical) is almost hyperbole. its a figurative language nut's dream come tru. i liked the "practical" application of the referred pain concpet. nice thinkin. all in all,. a very good piece.~nahlij