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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Referred Paindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: greensnake
    ASL Info:    60/female/ N.C.
    Elite Ratio:    4.17 - 770/691/75
    Words: 14
    Class/Type: Haiku/Serious
    Total Views: 1267
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 81



    Description:
       In medicine there is a phenomenon known as referred pain in which injury to one part of the body is felt as pain in another part of the body.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsReferred Paindots
    -------------------------------------------


    Half a world away
    The pain you feel pierces me
    Like a hungry blade.




    Submitted on 2005-03-05 17:40:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      These 5-7-5 syllables fall sleekly of my tongue
    and sounds so beautiful. The sentiment of this senryu ejects so much "pain". The imagery fueled by "pierce" and "hungry blade" demonstrates your creativity.
    | Posted on 2005-03-23 00:00:00 | by ladyngold | [ Reply to This ]
      Bravo this was an excellent Senyru, from the title to the end it jumped off the page with power and depth.

    What made it work great to me,was you built up the flow just right, making sure the end was the rocket.
    | Posted on 2005-03-18 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      the technical definitions of haiku that others have offered here do not detract from this intense piece of writing. for a fact i have experienced the physical pain in one part of my body when i was injured in another... however interpreting this another way ... i have just returned from a funeral. he was such a funny man and had done an inordinate amount of good in the world / all over the world, and we were all recalling some of his awful jokes and hilarious times we had in true stoic british stiff upper lip fashion. when it came to say goodbye however, one woman could not contain her grief. i cannot blot out the sounds that rose from within her. it was as if she was possessed by a wild animal in unbearable pain. and though i had buried my grief under an avalanche of humorous anecdotes, this woman managed to excavate it in a millioneth of a second. whether this is what you intended or not, i have taken your words to my heart today Lynn for they have managed to explain quite beautifully,exactly how i feel right now. j
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by Alter idem | [ Reply to This ]
      boy, could i relate to thist one, and i think you know why... being so connected to someone that you can feel her pain in your own body miles and miles away is a strange phenomenon, but i've been there... i would agree, though, that a haiku traditionally is supposed to be about nature, but, you know what? i don't care!! this cuts to the core for me about what it is like to love someone so deeply that you can feel her pain. well done, i say.
    | Posted on 2005-03-05 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I guess all violence in the world is ultimately fracticidal. We don't really know how we are connected and disconnected. Hungry blade sounds pretty gruesome ... I hope it is nothing worse than the temporal pains of Spring fever ...
    | Posted on 2005-03-06 00:00:00 | by kanu | [ Reply to This ]
      This is great Lynne, although I would call it a Senyru, (which is a haiku that reflects on human nature and thought rather than seasons and Nature)." A hungry blade" is an interesting image, personifying the knife by giving it the sense of of hunger and need.The hunger aspect suggests to me a deep wound,-more akin to a wild and hungry animal tearing deep in a feeding frenzy. This takes more than Bactine and Band-aids doesn't it?
    Good One
    Silver
    | Posted on 2005-03-06 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey I thought this was a neat haiku.. i thought
    like a hungry blade... I think that is so powerful.. How did you come up with it..? Very unique.. But I thought haikus are about human nature.. But who cares about this.. Its very original..
    Good jOb
    hope to see more of you writings.
    I really enjoy reading themm..

    Half a world away
    The pain you feel pierces me
    Like a hungry blade.


    Much love to ya,
    stephanie
    | Posted on 2005-03-06 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
      The fact that you explained to us what the term "Referred Pain" meant in the medical field really gave this piece more emphasis. I think anyway. Often times people say that they can feel when a loved one is in pain. Even if they are a half a world away. I really love the short simply idea you brought to such a wide spread feeling. And the whole two meaning thing to "Referred Pain" worked good. I really enjoyed it. Great job!
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-03-05 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree with everybody, the hugry blade image is the most profound. the depth of the personaification (hate to get technical) is almost hyperbole. its a figurative language nut's dream come tru. i liked the "practical" application of the referred pain concpet. nice thinkin. all in all,. a very good piece.~nahlij
    | Posted on 2005-03-06 00:00:00 | by Aknahlij_d 1 | [ Reply to This ]


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