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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "HOT HEAD"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1272
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1027



    Description:
       i HATE FIRE, IT'S TOO HOT~l.T


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"HOT HEAD"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    the blaze
    is the newest craze
    it's addicting
    though so sickening
    to some
    but still they come
    from miles and miles
    my groupies wear
    upsidedown smiles
    to blend in like the rest
    pretending to detest
    the monster's spree
    that monster lives
    and breeds inside me
    I have never been more proud
    than when a home is burnt to the ground
    it's made me admire
    the fire gettin higher
    the fire fighter that tires

    a good fire, it attracts
    fans of me and my match
    and all the results of my actions
    I would never take back
    I'm laughing with the fire
    bring the water
    but I'm not stopping till
    I get your daughter
    nothing can stop the reaping havoc
    unless I decide to stop playing with matches
    there is no shame
    within this flame


    *L A M E M A N S T E R M S*




    Submitted on 2005-03-06 17:52:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hi Lameman,
    I think this does have the rhythm of a rap, and definitely feels like this has been well thought out. I know that's natural for you. The only suggestion I can think of, if you decide to edit, is to take a specific example of arson (ohh this is ugly stuff) and tell about how the pyro killed someone's home. It doesn't have to be graphic, really, but it would make the pyro theme more specific rather than general. Overall you've done a good job though, thanks for sharing this one.
    peace and love,

    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-03-12 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Fire Hot! personally i'd rather have heat than cold. but i dont play with fire lol. had a really good rhythem to it. i like how your rhyming kinda switches from every other line to every single line here and there. oh, and if someone burns my house down they are soooo going to hell, and they'll have all the fire to play with forever lol.
    | Posted on 2005-03-08 00:00:00 | by SilentWhisper | [ Reply to This ]
      I think I would like to hear you rap this one L. t. It would make a great rap/hip hop song. I'll be waiting for the LP. Mags
    | Posted on 2005-03-06 00:00:00 | by Magnolia | [ Reply to This ]


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