[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: REVISIONSdots

    Author: pinurplepassion
    ASL Info:    24/f/somewhere in TX
    Elite Ratio:    5.92 - 165/146/17
    Words: 269
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 926
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1775

       I dont know if you would consider this a poem or what so if you have any input, feel free to put it in. I think this is something that most women, and even some men, at some time in their life can relate to. I have had to do a lot of work at accepting myself for who I am, changing the things I can and living with the ones I cant. So this is kind of a chronicle of my struggle, and something I intend to finish some day. For now, it is complete, so please dont assume it is unfinished and stop reading.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    1999-She stares at a picture.

    Her hair is long and unoriginal.
    Her eyes are non specifically boring.
    Her smile resembles a cloned sheep,
    rather odd and without feeling.
    Her breasts are asymetrical,
    a little flat, yet "perky.
    Her torso, frankly, is a little slant.
    Her hips and belly expand,
    into a realm unrelated to the work.
    Her legs are rather short and unimpressive.
    Even her shoes prove to be,
    A less than noteworthy finale.

    She sees an unfinished piece of dribble.
    A fat little girl, with blonde hair and blue eyes,
    and she is ugly, at that.
    She always wishes she was the girl,
    at the top of the pyramid,
    but believes she is doomed,
    to chase a dire existence.

    2004-She looks at the picture and then stares in the mirror.

    Her hair, unchanged, seems more original now.
    Her eyes are crystal clear and shining.
    Her smile resembles a doting bride,
    rather wide, and full of life.
    Her breasts are so much fuller,
    well rounded and heavier.
    Her torso, well, is still a little slant.
    Her belly and hips ever expand,
    and they could use a good amount of work.
    Her legs, still short, are more defined.
    She wears no shoes at all this time,
    Her finale is raw and bare.

    She sees a building work in progress.
    An overwheight young lady, with blonde hair and blue eyes,
    but she is beautiful still.
    She sometimes wishes she was the girl,
    in the picture that she holds,
    but she KNOWS she is destined,
    to follow her every dream.

    To be continued....

    Submitted on 2005-03-07 04:10:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I found this to be a very interesting and enjoyable read. I think we all, no matter the size or stature..and maybe even the sex.. find ourselves looking in that same mirror (or picture) at times and wondering about ourselves in similar ways.

    I like this line - - > "but she is beautiful still."

    There is beauty in all of us.. though I have to remind myself of that at times.

    I look forward to reading more.

    Take Care!
    | Posted on 2005-03-20 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I suppose it's true that we come to terms more with who we are as we get older. I also think it's very true that mood determines a lot of how we view ourselves. I mean, come on, aren't we all beautiful after a few drinks? But more than anything, I think we judge ourselves and the way we look much more (however subconciously) based on how we feel about our inner selves.

    And yeah, guys do the same things. And we all can use a little work in the middle.

    Very honest and bitter-sweet, you've done an excellent job of expressing yourself here. And for the record - I think you're beautiful.
    | Posted on 2005-03-23 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      why does this remind me of me have you been looking at my old pics agian j/k very nice and oh so true hope you finish it soon
    | Posted on 2005-03-07 00:00:00 | by Georgia Gurl | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey pinurplepassion

    “I think this is something that most women, and even some men, at some time in their life can relate to” I will see if I am one of those men, who in their life can relate ;0) See if I am able to do anything about it…

    I have read it a couple of times, trying to see what you have been up to and I honestly think it could become a quite interesting poem, even though you write “I dont know if you would consider this a poem”. I think if you made four stanzas, as you already have, and used the essence from number one and three and boiled it down, reduces it. Because you have an interesting point here, her biggest question in life or the “but” in her history are “but she KNOWS she is destined, to follow her every dream.” The times is changing, and so is she” Therefore if you painted the essence from stanza one in 1999 and stanza three in 2004 like two and four, you would get a very interesting combination, with the descriptions and the reel picture of her state of mind. I do not know how exactly you should do, but I like the idea you have ;0)

    I especially like this part

    Eyes are none specifically boring
    breasts are asymmetrical,
    a little flat, yet "perky

    Like I was standing in front of the picture. ;0)

    I have found two spelling errors asymmetrical and overweight

    I hope I was able to give you some input ;0)

    Keep writing ;0)

    | Posted on 2005-03-07 00:00:00 | by KNS | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]