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    dots Submission Name: Highdots

    Author: elephantasia
    ASL Info:    37/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 398/490/159
    Words: 35
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 651
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 281


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Sliding on moonbeams
    Smiling too wide
    Hearts burst into firework displays
    Pupils widen into universes
    Souls become one,
    Bodies entwine.

    is a prelude to love
    that often falters
    at the first.

    Submitted on 2005-03-07 08:58:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Well, lust has just led to more lust in my life, but I can't say that it never leads to love. Maybe "Souls become one" should come after the love because lust is just a genital meltdown to me. "Hearts burst into firework displays/
    Pupils widen into universes" are nice lines. Blah, I get sick of people saying things should be longer. I think it's more difficult and artistic to write something minimalistic.
    | Posted on 2005-03-08 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      I think if you added a little more detail this poem would be much better. It's very short and doesn't explain much, so I didn't get much from it.
    XOXO - Omni
    | Posted on 2005-03-07 00:00:00 | by omnipotent | [ Reply to This ]
      I like some of this piece, moonbeams and fireworks are always good but it does need some more meat (no pun intended) to it or perhaps go the other direction and turn it into a haiku. Getting high and making love is certainly an inspiration to write and I get a lot of your feelings in this work, just seems as though you could have done a little more with it. Maybe another toke and another go 'round would help.
    | Posted on 2005-03-07 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]
      Actually tis about being high on the feelings of lust but i liked your take on it anyway lol. Its short because lust can fade so quickly lol
    | Posted on 2005-03-07 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      its grr8! I loved it..I love poems about a person trying sooo hard to discribe lust..But I don't think anyone can..Lust is a thing of each persons mind...their Fantasys...their hopes...Keep up the grr8 work! I loved this one! ~Llama Luver~
    | Posted on 2005-03-07 00:00:00 | by Thinkingofyou | [ Reply to This ]

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