Whirlwind by clay

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Submission Name: Whirlwind dots

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Author:	clay
Elite Ratio:	5.95 - 774/604/66
Words:	71

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	574
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	617

Description:

For Nan & Cat ;)

Whirlwind dots

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As we slip
into grace
the forgotten
place

with your face
so dear
so warm
and near

we listen...

Outside
the wind
is stirring…

While here
in this night
of each other's
light

we receive
the blessing
of love
caressing

while outside
the wind
She whispers :

Now fate
it seems
will mend
your dreams

from broken darkness
to boundless moonbeams.

Submitted on 2005-03-07 10:36:01 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
   yeah i know i commented on this one to... sue me if ya want BUT I WILL BE HEARD!!! lol so i'm reading through all your work, again i'm in aww... and i realise that these are the kinda poems i should be stealing and giving to girls to impress them hahaha! they're so simply and sweetly amazing... anyone would be lucky to recieve a poem like this. I'm so happy and so... fulfilled after reading it... ok i'll stop recommenting on yer poems now hehe take care
| Posted on 2005-04-11 00:00:00 | by Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey Clay ;0)

I just saw you were online and suddenly remembered, that you had some interesting poems on your site, so I had to drop by and see ;0)

I am glad that I did, because I really enjoyed it. So minimalistic, so smooth, it just carried me through and gave a nice feeling inside. Beautiful work ;0) I am impressed ;0) I do not know what to comment, because I think that I would bring it into ruins if I tried ;0)

I especially liked:

Now fate
it seems
will mend
your dreams

from broken darkness
to boundless moonbeams

Great work ;0)

KNS
| Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by KNS | [ Reply to This ]
  What to say...That hasnt been said already ...Not much i guess....I had to leave a comment though ..because this is simply beautiful ...It has such an elegant, graceful feeling to it ...IM really glad i stumbled across this tonight ...I needed something to calm me out a little ...
This was really beautiful ...you should be very proud of it ...Well done
| Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
  I thought this beautiful too. it's great when people find love. here's wishing it for the whole world. keep up the beautiful writing!
| Posted on 2005-03-13 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey there, no time no write clay.Okay, I have to say, it was short, sweet and to the point.Beautiful, simplistic, with an air of grace. I like the ending the best though, I love happy endings, at least for now. I love the imagery, It leaves just enough to the imaganation.The end brings to mind a series of books I read...hm...well, anyway, wanted to see how you were doing, and I had to tell you that I loved this poem.It was really nice.
sam
aka
camoflage
| Posted on 2005-03-11 00:00:00 | by camoflage | [ Reply to This ]
  very brisk and clean, nice crisp creative rhymes, and dedicated to elites favorite lovers. What more need be said?

Simply beautiful clay.
| Posted on 2005-03-10 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
  I saw this in Cat's Faves, and had to check it out. I wasn't disappointed, as it is truly a tender and eloquent expression of love. I normally don't like rhyme in love poems, but the way you used rhyme just sounds "right" and not overdone.It adds a mesmerizing chant-like voice to the poem.

I liked the dark stormy imagery, and the safe-haven, refuge that you carved out of that blackness with the light and warmth that each brings the other. Finally, I really liked the last strophes;

"Now fate
it seems
will mend
your dreams

from broken darkness
to boundless moonbeams."

It is such a soothing ending, almost like a lullaby. Oh that we all could find someone to mend those broken dreams, and that dark skies were ever lit by "boundless moonbeams"
This is, quite simply, Beautiful.
Silver
| Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
  this is exquisite, Kelly, just beautiful. thank you so much for the dedication. it is just so heartfelt and sweet of you to do this for us. just bliss. i'll tuck this away in my favorites so that i can treasure it and you.

*gorgeous*
| Posted on 2005-03-07 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, I went to Cat's page to message her and saw this in her faves, of course I'm curious... this is truly elegant and reminds me how blessed we are to share our love and eloquence among ourselves. Thanks, Kelly, for the dedication to me and my beloved. I'm so glad I've discovered you, sleeper among the poets watching what we write, I just read you two days ago in fact. This is a fave my dear, and I'm sending more inspiration as I write.
peace and love,

Nan
| Posted on 2005-03-07 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a beautiful poem...
It brings back memories of me and my cousiins watching with frightened wide eyes through the window, as a storm lit up the night..
we were all safe in each others light..

Why did we have to grow up???? ***sighs***

who did you write this for, it must be someone very special to you... is it a newly married couple???

great write.
| Posted on 2005-03-07 00:00:00 | by ariesmind | [ Reply to This ]
  Aw, it's so sweet of you to write for Nan and Cat. They're two of my favorite people, but I don't make that a secret. I really like:

Now fate
it seems
will mend
your dreams

from broken darkness
to boundless moonbeams.

Those are lovely images. I like the darkness to moonbeams a lot. I'm pretty sure that whirlwind is one word though. Hugs, Amy
| Posted on 2005-03-07 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
  An absolutely beautiful love poem. Gentle and caressing as the words. The imagery is excellent. A moving tribute to two lovers.
Carol
| Posted on 2005-03-07 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
  Ha! oh man Kelly! this is amazing... of course as usual... but to dedicate it to Nan and Cat makes it even more so. I love how the short lines and rhyme scheme fit together so well and allowed a clear image and beautiful story... very very well done... so i gotta ask is this part of the water memoirs? anyway i love hearin from ya, keep in touch... adios beautiful... Travis
| Posted on 2005-03-08 00:00:00 | by Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha | [ Reply to This ]

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